A Tribute to Chubby the Dog

I have three dogs. One just died today, a big, black, brown and white colored, hotdog-shaped, guardian of fur, muscle and blood. Chubby is his - im sorry - was his name, and he wore a blue collar.

He came to us not long ago; it was early 2008, the exact date slipping away from my knowledge. He was little. Little and long; i distinctly remember thinking that he resembled a hot dog. He was not a dachshund; he was just an ordinary dog you could see in the streets. But, in all senses, he was a great one, quiet but fierce in his ways. However, unlike most of his kind, he would not go berserk at the sight of us, he would casually wag a tail and rest a head on our palms. I liked that about him.

To his soul and dedication, i offer this 151st blogpost, an endeavor i would not have reached lest i was given the security and the devotion he selflessly gave on those nights that darkness, doubt and evil penetrated my mind. I also offer, i hope, a moment of silence from those who are reading this, and a prayer that your pets live a long life.

I hear a lot of barking, and it's the middle of the day. It's not just our dogs that Chubby Sumatra left, Burikat and Ming, that are doing all the noise. All around the neighborhood, i can hear barks of varying lengths and intensities. It's quite eerie and short y'know. By this time the barking and howling have stopped, and i am engulfed by a silence disrupted only by the sound of my keyboard.

I Will...

Mood: defeated
Currently listening to: car underwater, armor for sleep

1. be turning off the desktop and turning on the laptop.
2. be wishing for the best and
3. be dreaming again. This time, i hope it'll be a dream i can look back upon.
4. be hoping that when i wjdkljsadlakjsdakls

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EDIT.

click.

2:54 - 3:03.

Just a few seconds.

Sappy Lines at 2 in the Morning

Mood: i don't know. :|
Currently listening to: none.

Waking up at early has it's benefits. For the past hour, i've been reading the sequel to Vince's life, armed with a pillow and a cup of coffee.

Yes, i KNOW. It's one of those PSICOM books you can grab off powerbooks or national for 150 pesos. It's very cheap - i think i just pointed that out - but it has content.

Fuck the Twilight story, put it in the afterburner for a while.

"Fireworks," I finally said. Cat looked at me from where she was lying by turning her head sideways and upwards.

"It was like fireworks. You know how fireworks are always a surprise? It was like that. Everything was magical and just when i thought it couldn't get better, it always did get better until i thought i would explode with joy. And then it was over." - pg 80-81.


Cute lines from an agent slash college writer slash working kid.

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I guess i should talk about the Paskuhan(the annual UST Christmas celebration). In describing Paskuhan 08, i would most likely give the words many, people,yearning, fireworks, orange girl, lost, high school, peace, love and sepia.

I feel so stupid. I'll shut up now.

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I think about how broken all of us are, and i can't help but smile a little at the beauty of healing that is contained in such a gentle and frail being.

Deep Inside.

Mood: WEIRD. :))
Currently listening to: how to save a life, the fray

I've been laughing these past few days, and here's probably a
reason why. For the record...

rb rb rb!: tae benta talaga yung nag pk saken
rb rb rb!: nagulat kasi ako
rb rb rb!: pinagmamasadan yung pagpatay ko
rb rb rb!: tapos biglang inatake ako
rb rb rb!: pots agad eh
rb rb rb!: tapos tinira ko
rb rb rb!: nadapa
rb rb rb!: haha
rb rb rb!: di natumayo

LAUGHTRIP. Haha, usapang Cabal yan, deep inside. PK PK PK PK PK PK PK PK!

Plus, there's this thing with the victim, aka --DORDOR's assassination-- Potek, seryoso palang na blog un. :)) Tsaka talagang alam ko naman talaga deep inside na joke un! Deeep inside! =))

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Bukas nga pala paskuhan, ung super mega duper califragilistic xmas celebration ng UST. Yehey, unang beses ko mararanasan un. Can't wait. Sabi din ng mga kilala kong sempai uber cool din daw un eh. Yehey.

Combination.

Mood: melancholic.
Currently listening to: this. and this.

Sometimes i wonder if i wa

How many times have i started a post with those freaking words?

"Sometimes i wonder"

Such a lonely combination of words.

I Had Icing For Breakfast

Mood:quiet
Currently listening to: when did we lose ourselves, by the bigger lights.

I've been listening to a song over and over again, think

For now, i'll just be counting the stars when i see them, amazed at how someone can shine just like them.

ps.
The title's true. I really had icing for breakfast, yum yum. And oh, i encourage you to listen to my currently playing song, when did we lose ourselves, by the bigger lights. No, i am not the band's manager nor ad agent, it just happens that i'm a very cool guy. rofl. :)) Just hear it out. Maybe it's your story, too.

EDIT
I just realized that i've been listening to the bigger lights since last blogpost! ROFL. :)) adik, adik, adik. I need to get some more sleep. :))

Today, I

Mood:happy.
Currently listening to: When did we lose ourselves, the bigger lights

Today I...
1. Woke up at around 4:30 am today. I found the slippers underneath the bed, the laptop a few inches away from my face and the pillows scattered.
2. Then i thought of Then mom came and launched into another sermon. The next thing i know, it was 5 am.
3. Akala ko malalate na ako. I forced every fiber of my body to be calm. I failed.
4. I drew a picture for a friend's theo report. Surprisingly, it looked a lot like Dora. Then i realized that it also looked like someone else, too.
5. I ate a palabok today for 35 pesos. Nabusog naman. Bumili din ako ng watermelon shake.
6. My fil102 professor skipped class again today. I felt uneasy and started going in and out of the classroom.
7. I passed my features article for csj today. Alam ko napasa ko na un, eh. Anyway, im sure na rereject din un kasi hindi ko naman kilala ung i feafeature ko, haha.
8. I have been checking out the net for new bands since i got home. Click, ang ganda nung gitara tsaka nung girl.

Corregidor pt 3: Kinabukasan

Mood:
Currently listening to: dijurido, the seatbelts

Nagising na rin ang lahat matapos nun. 5 am? 6 am? Hindi ko alam. Nawala ang sense ko ng oras nun.

Madami ang pumunta sa recreation room para mag hanap ng -what else?- kape. Pampainit, pampagising. Ooohhh kape. KAAAAPEEE.

Kaso kabooyah. Walang kape sa recreation room, kundi breakfast. Longganisa, kanin tsaka ketchup na malamig. Ndi ko rin nalasahan. Basta kinain ko na lang.

Matapos mag breakfast, naglibot libot muna ako. Pumunta ako sa dock mismo, sa lugar kung saan hinahampas ng dagat ang shore. Meron ng 3 taong andun, si Gene pos di ko na kilala ung dalawa pa.

Doon pala ang super winds. Feeling ko nalaglag na lang ang buhok ko sa ulo sa sobrang lakas ng hangin. Umupo ulit ako at tinuloy ang pangagngarap.

Pos dumating ung iba pang kakagising pa lang o mga tapos na mag bfast.

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Pagkatapos nun, pina ready na kame. May mga usap usapan na navy daw ang susundo samin. Ang cool naman namen nun. YEH.

Pero as it turns out, ganun pa rin ung ship. =))

The trip home was cool. Dameng gumamet ng barf bags. Ugh. Dahil sa lumipat ako ng upuan, nasa likod ko ung trash can. So ugh, ang dame kong inabot at tinapon na barf bags. Natawa na lang kame ng katabi ko, si Ray.

Inabutan kami ng attendant ng cotton bud na may White Flower. Baka daw kasi mag throw up na rin kami dahil sa kumakalat na amoy ng vomit sa air. Tumawa na lang ako't nakipagkwentuhan na lang hanggang sa makarating ako ng Maynila.

Hanggang sa makarating ng Maynila, ang usok, ang dami ng tao, ang katangahan.

Cool.

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Kanina lang, i realized that i have found my inspiration. My muse. An orange girl in the flesh.

Now i only have to see how this turns out.

Corregidor pt 2: Sino ba Ang Nagsabing Mainit sa Corregidor?

Mood: elated
Currently listening to: the last song i'll ever write about a girl, the ataris

Dahil sa sobrang lakas na ng alon mga bandang 6 pm, sinabi sa amin na kailangan naming magpalipas ng gabi sa Corregidor. Biglaan namang nag overdrive ang utak ko.

Thought 1. Ay takte. Overnight?!
Thought 2. Overnight?
Thought 3. YE! OVERNIGHT!

Yung plano ng mga authorities, kakain ang kalahati ng grupo sa hotel. Ung iba, sa recreation area. Swerte naman at ung grupo ko napunta sa hotel para kumain ng dinner. Bandang 6 am din nung nawala na ang battery ng cellphone ko. Disconnected na ako sa sibilisasyon.

Kaso nung binigay na ang mga room assignments, nalaman ko na ang mga guys matutulog sa hostel. Eh naalala ko bigla ung movie the hostel. Eh di ba sooobrang gory nun? Since na torture movie ung hostel, YEH. Angdameng dugo tsaka nililipad na body parts.

Kaya aun. Ayun lang inisip ko. Kumbaga, hostel, torture, hostel, torture, hostel. Hindi pa nakatulong ung pagkain nung dinner. Adobo pare. Mukhang laman ng tao. Ung mga taba pa naman nung adobo TABA talaga. OMFG.

Tapos ang mga kasabay ko pang kumain nun, tangina nananakot den. Magbaon daw ako ng salt tsaka ng pepper. Si Jhanna pa nga pinahiram sa kin ung rosary na bracelet niya. Panakot daw sa mga alagad ng dilim. Yesss, alagad ng dilim! Hanglalim.

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Ung mga girls naman, pinatulog sa hotel. Oo, sa HOTEL. Hindi hostel, kung ndi, HOTEL. May shower. May towels. May guard. May ilaw.

Pos ang mga guys naman, sa hostel, aka torture. Naghanda sila ng 72 mattresses(take note, i use the word MATTRESSES. Hindi BEDS).Ang total count lang ng lahat ng guys 67 ata. So bale 67/72.

So hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nawalan ng higaan. Wala pa namang kaso ng mga taong kumakain ng higaan dahil lang sa na stranded.

Paghahanap ng malilibangan. Ayan ang naging una kong prayoridad. Lumabas kame nina Xtian, Bren tsaka ni David ng hostel. Buti na lang, katapat lang pala ng hostel ang recreation center. Akalain mo un.

Akalain mo rin un, may billiard table din dun. Akalain mo un.

Ang isang oras, 100php daw. Pwede na rin, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Kaya aun. Naglaro kame. Or rather, dahil sa hindi pa ako ganun ka kagaling, nagpaturo pa ako sa kanila. Tangina astig. Gusto ko tuloy magkaroon ng ganun sa bahay.

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Sina Greg nakatambay sa may parang couch tsaka sa may bandang entrance. Kami naman, tumambay sa loob mismo ng bus. Eh ung bus pa naman diba parang jeep lang na may roller coaster seats sa loob? Dun. Dun na ako nakaidlip hanggang 10:30. Pinapasok na kasi kame nung lecheng guard. Tsktsk.

So aun. Buti na lang may nakita pa kaming bakanteng mga higaan sa may sulok. Dun kame tumambay hanggang sa mag uumaga na. 12am? 1am?

Siguro nakatulog ako. Kasi ang alam ko lang, nasa gitna ako ng kwento. The next, tahimik na ang lahat, nakatulog ata ako. Shet. Nakatulog ako habang nagkwekwento.

Tumayo ako at lumabas. Mga 3 am ata un o 4.

Ang mga hindi nakakuha ng higaan nakaupo sa may couch, nakabalot ng kumot. Grabe. Ang ginaw kasi sa labas. Ung hanging talagang in your face ung trip. Kulang na lang tangayin ang buong kaluluwa't balat ko.

Sina Erick tsaka sina Paul nkatulog sa labas, sa mga upuan. Para silang mga cocoon sa balot ng kumot nila. Kumuha pa ako ng isang upuan, umupo at nangarap ng gising.

Corregidor pt 1: Wala nga Akong Medyas na Suot, Yehey

Mood: Elated
Currently listening to: The first cut is the deepest, sheryl crowe.

If there's one thing i hate about traveling trips, it's the effing boarding wait. If there's another, it's the trash floating around the dock.

So parang ang galing, kasi lahat ng nabanggit ko ay nakita ko kahapon, sa pagsakay ng ferry papuntang Corregidor.

The ferry itself was cool. Merong upper and lower deck. Meron ding instructional video - sinasabi kung saan matatagpuan ang mga life jackets, ang mga exits, etc. Gusto ko sana i applaud ang video, kaso biglang nagbago. Naging documentary vid. I took it as a sign that God wanted me to sleep.

Mga pagkagising ko, nakita ko si Camille busy busyng kakabasa ng pugad baboy.
Sina Nichola tsaka sina Donnadeath(rofl, peace :D) na nanunuod ng DVD.So parang na astigan naman ako. Imagine, DVD sa gitna ng dagat. Sakto pa ung DVD, korean! Oks lang kahit ndi ko na marinig ung audio. Solb solb na sa subtitles.

Sa kamalasan, nagskiskip ang DVD at wala na kameng naintindihan. So much for subtitles.

Ay onga pala. Namigay ng food ang Sun Cruises. Tinapay na may ham at cheese sa loob tsaka Zesto. Mejo naasar ako sa Zesto. Tangna, simula grade school Zesto na lang lagi ang binibigay pag may libreng food. Wala bang root beer jan?

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Pagtapak ko pa lamang sa Corregidor, nagkaroon ako ng moment. Y'know. To feel nature. To wallow in the essence of life. Nag hit sa akin na napaka insignificant ng buhay naten, yadiyadiyak. Existentialism gone wrong.

Kaso talagang moment lang eh. Kasi biglang nag cam whore ung super duo, sina jhanna't fessa. Parang gremlin na nabasa ng tubig. So ako naman, natuwa kasi may cam din ako nun. Parang naisip ko, "kawawa naman cam ko, konti pa lang ang lamang tao. puro na lang dagat tsaka bangka". So siyempre ride on. YEH. Nawala ang moment.

We had our paid buffet lunch at a cafe near the dock. May vegetable, kanin, fried chicken tsaka carbonara. Ang tubig, ndi ko alam kung safe bang inumin o hindi.

Ndi ko nalasahan ang binayad ko nun. Sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko na susulitin ko ang lecheng 1,604 php ko sa buffet. Ndi ko man lang nagawang mag 2nd round. Nalasahan ko lang ang pait ng gulay at tigas ng manok. Sana binalik nyo na lang ung binayad ko dun at pinambli ko pa ng lobo.

Ung pinagkainan naming cafe, malapit lang sa dagat. So siyempre sugod mode kami sa beach. Dahil sa kasama ko ang twilight fans, parang scene daw ng twilight ang corregidor. May beach. Secluded. Medyo maulap. Kaya aun.

La Push daw ung beach.

May dala rin nga pala si Marga na cupcake nun. PUTANGINA, ang sarap.

At unga pala. It was at this point na bumigay na ang battery ng cam ko. Argh, wala pa nga ung mismong tour naubos na kagad ang battery ko. Ang galing ko talaga.

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After lunch, we boarded a bus. The bus was... err. Bus. Wala kasing pintuan. Parang jeep na nilagyan ng roller coaster seats. Mabuti na lang soobrang breezy sa Corregidor.

So aun. Paikot ikot, pa ikot ikot, ikot ikot kame sa Corregidor. May mga oras na feeling ko ndi na lang kame ang tao dun. So, of course, i felt the need to shut myself up - to feel the breath of nature on my neck.

Kaso wala din eh. Nanaig ang pagging bata ko, haha. Like a child with a new toy, we explored a little bit of the tunnels, some of them circling around, some just stopping aburptly, and some of them too dark to do anything but scream.

May guns nga rin pala sa Corregidor. DUH. Higanteng higante. Nakakatuwang isipin na naglalakad ka sa isang battlefield. Isipin mo oh. Dun tumitilapon ung mga bangkay ng mga Pilipino tsaka Japanese. Then again, pucha, maglakad ka lang sa Maynila para ka na ring naglakad sa battlefield.

Mga bandang 5pm na nung nakabalik kami sa dock. Shet, ang lakas na ng hangin. Nangamba na ung iba. May balita raw kasi na baka stranded na kami sa Corregidor.

Napangiti ako nun.

Your Flying Teapot

Mood: "HUH, WAT"
Currently listening to: green bird, yoko kanno.

My block is going to corregidor in a few minutes time mehn. Can't say i'm excited. Can't say i'm not. When it comes down to it, i think it's a great idea to visit places like that, except that i can't shake off the feeling that society is just exhorting us for money. lol, exhortation.

Things are... peaceful. Yeah. That's the right term for that. But i've said the word peaceful so many times to describe the way things are, it kind of hurts just to say it out loud. I feel like i've been sitting in muddy water, playing like a kid. Then again, i wouldn't mind playing in it, if it ends after the first time.

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I wanna change my plurk timeline to this

But the sad thing is, i can't find the right dimensions. ARGH.Gotta find a way around it somehow.

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My room is messy again. Just the way i like it. YEH.

The Thin Line Between Rage and Age

Mood: RAGE.
Currently listening to: Rush, the seatbelts

Effing friends for benefit. Why are people such enormous fagheads? People are not made of wood, damn it. Flesh and freaking blood. We can get hurt just like any organic thing.

People are such fagheads.

Smiling Moon

Mood: coolness beybeh!
Currently listening to: shut up and explode, boom boom satellite

Haha! Good thing sis managed to take a picture. YEH. :D

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And so I wonder. What if the world ends tomorrow? If it does, i guess i wouldn't mind. Tomorrow marks the physical examination date, and i so hate doctors.

The Moon is SMILING.

Mood: like whoa!
Currently listening to: none

OMFG, look to the stars tonight mehn. The moon and stars are striking a pose. :D Will be posting the pics later.

Vivid Grays and the Moulin Rouge

Mood: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Butterfly, The Seatbelts

There's this thing called laziness. And there's this thing called inspiration. I'm betting that only a fine line separates the two of them. Just a hairline border.

Nah. I'm just finding an excuse to define this sudden laziness that's been gripping me nowadays. I feel like i see everything in gray.

I've been reading Gaarder again. Sigh.

If only time had a definite meaning in the dictionary.

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I've been taken a liking to sleeping a lot lately. It feels like i've spent most of my days sleeping in. I've dozed off numerous times in class too.

And oh. You know how bones sort of creak when you stretch them? I've been doing that a lot lately, too.

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I think i'm gonna rewatch Moulin Rouge again. I'm in the mood for something romantic this evening. And nothing says romantic like Bohemian ideals and Absinthe.

Quote! This scene sent shivers down teh spine.

Christian: [to the Duke] This woman is yours now. I've paid my whore.
[to Satine]
Christian: I owe you nothing. And you are nothing to me. Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.

And this! Take note Zidler's last line. xP

Zidler: Send Christian away.
Satine: He will fight for me.
Zidler: Unless he believes that you don't love him.
Satine: What?
Zidler: You're a great actress, Satine. Make him believe that you don't love him.
Satine: No!
Zidler: Hurt him, Satine. Hurt him to save him. There is no other way. The show mustgo on. We are creatures of the underworld. We can't afford to love.

And of course, this.

Bohemians: [singing towards the duke] No matter what you say the show is ending our way. You've gotta stand your ground for freedom, beauty, truth, and love.

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I'm grabbing a box of tissues. Bye.

Waiting, and the Things that Go With It

Mood: impatient
Currently listening to: vacancy, by kylee.(Damn it, she's 14?! Sure doesn't look like it.)

Fixed the aforementioned separator line(see previous post). Turns out, it matches the length of the sidebar. So, as a countermeasure, i've reduced the number of posts to just two per page.

And, ROFL @ countermeaure.

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People have been asking why the hell i changed the layout. I check my ym, may nagtatanong. I check my cp, may nagtatanong pa rin. Potek, kanina lang tinanong ako ng kapatid ko - "o kuya! bakit nag iba na?"

First of all, let me just use my SHOCK face. (distorts face) WTH, people. I mean, i've been claiming for a while now that i'll be changing the layout, haven't i? Can't believe how much a changed layout can alter things so much.

Second, no, i have not been on drugs, and i have not been the recipient of anything unpleasant lately. I also have not taken part in any dangerous activities that would cause me to hit my head.

Third, nothing happened. I'm not going through a troubled break-up, nor am i healing over a broken heart. Yeah, im confused. But that's unfair; i've always been confused.

I've just decided that i'll knock a little harder on heaven's door. Hwop! I'm not suicidal. I just think that death is like a shadow. And being under that shadow can mess you up.

But if you think about it, there's no way you can avoid dying. So all we've got left is to make use of the time we have. In reality, the real issue about leaving this world is not the death and the pain, but the life and the memories.

So aun. Before i leave, i'd best get started knocking on heaven's door - the door to life.

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I don't know why, but my whole collection of cowboy bebop albums just did a Houdini. WTF. One minute they were there in my music folders, the next kaboof. Technology is scary nowadays. What has science done?!

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For now, i guess i'll do my theo assignment and just bum around. YAWN. Will be posting later if anything good happens.

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I'm thinking of doing an anime review site. I distinctly remember a guy telling me that he regularly makes money out of being a mod. Hmmm. Not to mention the following you'll get when your blog's in the hots.

Will be thinking of it later.

For now, i just want to sleep.

The Things We've Been Dreading

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: none

So I've made a new layout. It's far from perfect(note the line separating the sidebar and the post body. ARGH, putol sa dulo takte), but i guess it will do.

Here's to the night, and to all of the souls that know the permanence of change and variety. Beer pa.
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Ang weird. Kasi late na akong nakauwi kagabi, naka lock na ang main gate. So aun, stuck ako sa labas hangga't walang makakapagbukas ng pintuan. Ilang beses ko nang inabuso ang doorbell, pero wala pa rin. ARGH.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas. Wala pa rin. Parang mantika ba naman kasi kung matulog. Pare parehas lang kami.

Pero aun. Kasi ang tagal nilang dumating, umupo na lang ako sa labas ng gate at ginamit ang kahuli hulihang piraso ng load para tumawag. Takte wala pa rin. Tumawag pa ulit ako.

Pagkatapos iwanang tumatawag ang cellphone, umupo ako ng mas maayos at huminga ng malalim.

Grabe pala ang lamig kapag mag aalas dose na ng umaga. Parang malamig na hindi. Pos wala pang tao. Nababalot ng liwanag ng lamp posts ang daanan. Dahil sa talagang tahimik naman ang lugar namin, mas tumahimik pa ito twing gabi.

Huming ako ng malalim. Inisip ang mga dapat isipin.

At, sa kasamaang palad, nakatulog. YEH.

Buti na lang dumating na si ermats nun. Kung ndi, shet.

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I wonder. What would be the feeling that governs dying people?

Pieces

Mood: weird
Currently listening to: shut up and explode, the boom boom satellites.

I've been thinking. I think it'd be great if i could shout in a baseball field. You know, like how they do it in movies. I'd open my mouth wide and explode, letting loose all the words that are tied to the base of existence.

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People tell me that i talk too fast. Once, i recorded my voice and played it after. It's surreal, hearing your voice on a recorder like that. And yeah, i guess I DO speak too fast.

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There's also a lot of stuff going on - it's fucking hard to keep up. I swear, if life was a marathon, i'd be huffing and puffing at the end.

Nah, i never liked marathons(probably because i've got no stamina, haha). In fact, i never liked competitions at all. Don't get me wrong, im not chickening out. It's just that it's so much better if people just relaxed, y'know? I never was much for speed. I never liked cars.

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My mom keeps a stock of Pantene shampoo around the house. Yeah, i don't get WHY either. I just opened a cabinet and boom! There was this pile of containers wrapped in a shabby looking duty free plastic. Guess what was inside.

So that's why i'm stuck using Pantene right now. It sucks. Pantene reminds me of everything that i've been vehemently rejecting.

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I'm going out for a bit. I'm guessing i have a lot of things to say when i come home.

Melancholy Morning (and it's not even Monday, damnit)

Mood: blank
Currently listening to: none

Remember that dream i had a little blog posts ago? About me riding in an fx and crashing into a effing huge post, and the truck that came careening down the steet, aimed at the fx?

Well. Nico says he dreamed the 1st part - about me riding the fx and me dying in it. Like whoa. The first time i heard that, i felt like i fell into a time space warp. Y'knoW. Like the ones they have with those Shaider shows.

Lately, i've been so obsessed with dying. I dunno. My thoughts wander to the "what if" scenario. I've imagined a lot of ways of dying(take note that i use the word "dying" and not "killing". Meaning, i'm no suicidal.)

It's just that everything's so.. gray right now. Sheesh.

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I am reminded by Shakespeare. Wait. Or was it Shakespeare? I distinctly remember the Willy Wonka (the old school one) say these words also. Ohwell.

I am reminded by Shakespeare. Or by Willy Wonka.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Today

Mood: soundtrack for our movie, MAE.
Currently listening to: angry.

I must first register my amazement at how different and how weird it is for people to constantly climb the social ladder. Sigh.

My english professor keeps on telling us to practice random acts of kindness. According to him, it yields immense feelings of peace and stability. Can't say i don't want that.

Then again, I can't say i'll be a saint overnight. But what the hell. There's no harm in trying.

Hey wait. There IS a harm in trying.

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By the way, the night creeps on real fast nowadays, eh? I mean, it's only a little after 5:30 here in my watch and it's already dark outside.

Speaking of the weather, today's was a little freaky; it was psychotically sunshiny this morning, but it ended with a slight drizzle this afternoon. Personally, i love dark and gloomy weather. I'm not a grouch, fuck you. I just think that dark and gloomy weather makes people shut up and think.

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I've also recently noticed that i've been using cuss words a lot lately. I'm sorry if ever offended you. It's just that it's better for people like me to cuss and swear than to do extreme acts of violence. Sorry if i ruined your day. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic.

Death and All His Friends

Mood: thoughtful.
Currently listening to: Still Tisbury Lane.


Click the image if it comes out inverted. Dunno how blogspot did the whole inverted colors thing.

I'm Feeling Better Already

Mood: worried.
Currently listening to: tisbury lane, MAE.

I skipped my 3-5 PE class today. Yawn. I'm just so sleepy nowadays. Frankly, i have no idea why. Maybe i'm coming down with something.

But i feel fine. I mean, I THINK I'm fine. I don't feel anything wrong with my body. I dunno. Crap. I just can't shake away the feeling that something is definitely wrong with the filament.

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The great part about being in college is that most of the classes are interesting enough. Please note that i say "most of the classes" rather "all of the classes". Some are just dreadfully boring. Some are effing action stuffed. And some are just plain, freaking weird.

Take this class i have for instance. I have a professor who claims that he sees the aura around people. My alarms immediately exploded into life at that moment. I remember lifting my head from my usual ready-to-sleep position and focusing my head to run over the words that just came out from his mouth.

Now i'm not dissing anybody here. It's just my opinion. If he can see an aura, fine. If he can sense that i'm still in disbelief, fine. If somebody has the gall to tell on me, fine. No, wait. Scratch that. Tell on me, and i will sincerely hope that you go to Hell. I kid not.

So aun. I guess i can believe him, if he arranged the words a bit. Y'know. If he said that he could sense the temperament of people by relying on hunches and gut feelings. That would be stellar, since I believe in hunches and gut feelings; i don't believe in seeing an aura around people.

Then again, what do i know? After seeing how black the sky looks lately, i might even believe that the president is a good person, and that my professor actually sees the aura within people.

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I quote from Brutus.

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

and i quote from Calvin and Hobbes.

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?

No, wait. Eto na lang. From Calvin and Hobbes pa rin.

There's more to this world than just people, you know.

And then i end my blogpost.

Daydream

Mood: melancholic. a bit jaded. a bit confused. I KNOW. It's the usual. No big.
Currently listening to: Mistakes we knew we were making, MAE.

I think i need a new muse. No, damn it. Not M-U-S-E, as in an escort's partner, but rather a muse like the Greeks had. I dunno. I just feel so worn out, it's not even funny. Crap.

Just this morning, i felt the vestiges of a reverie creeping into my consciousness. Usually, I'd love falling into one, but i fought back and tried to stick with the track playing in my head. Fuck it, focus. I began humming the intro to MAE's tisbury lane. "She greets the day with her wet..."

Futility. It's when you fight back against a daydream that you saw coming. I slide back into my FX seat and let the visions wash over me.

I guess the neat thing about daydreams is that they actually occur inside your head. If, by some supercalifragilisic force of nature, daydreams suddenly come true, then i swear, i wouldn't be here right now. I would be in a coffin, getting mourned upon.

Yep, i was daydreaming about fucking DYING, and i was ENJOYING it.

In my daydream, the fx driver suddenly turned manic and crashed the into a wall that was suddenly there. I was squished, like a pancake, between seats and my head hit something hard. Blinking the blood off my eyes, i saw a garbage truck careening toward us with a force so great, the truck driver looked like he was ready to shit his pants.

Which i'm sure he did, as the truck's full body mass hit out little FX. I imagined my eyes popping, due to the sheer force, out of my head. The bodies jostled everywhere, blood colored the seats red.

Then i snapped out of it.

And i enjoyed it. I enjoyed dreaming about my death. Fuck.

I think i'm sick. Good thing i took up psych, eh? ROFL.

Honey, Pass the Pills

Mood: anxious
Currently listening to: kindly unspoken, kate voegele.

I just want to sleep for a day.

Haha, i think i'll fall asleep in class again. Ohwellpapel.

The Bed Never Looked So Inviting

Mood: quirky.
Currently listening to: for the girl, the fratellis

i'm done reading the second book, and i'm halfway done with the third book.(im typing this entry with all the strength a kid with three hour's sleep can muster, by the way)

im talking about the twilight series, of course. i dunno. it just seems so... interesting - the way all of the characters flit in and out of everyone's lives... and how pathetic all of their actions are. Yes. i think i got that out clearly. It's pathetic.

And i find myself agreeing. I mean, when you're.. when you're.. argh. I can't say the L word. Fuck. Ahem.

When you're in the state of liking someone deeply, all of your actions are erroneous, possibly because of hormones that hot-wire your brain.

That came out better. Scientific terms rock.

So aun. Since all of your actions are at times faulty, it sort of makes sense that the characters in Twilight are all acting pathetically. But i'm not dissing them. It just means that they're... in the state of liking someone deeply.

On another note, i am so gonna watch the movie and watch as people's faces fall as they compare characters that they visualized as they read the book, with the characters that portray them in the big screen. I'm sure no actor or actress comes close to one's imagination.

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I'm going to school today; infopsych called a meeting. Can't say im excited. I just want to curl up with my laptop and read the pdf files.

and oh - rb, if you're reading this, i take back what i said about The Fratellis. They're good. And not just good. They're really gooooood.

Gap?

Mood: peaceful
Currently listening to: long ride, the audreys

today was the start of the second semester. i can't say im happy about it, but i think it's great to see some of the people i had fun with the last semester.(Or was it the people i suffered with? :)) haha xP )

on a side note, everything seems so peaceful - it's actually unnerving. is this what they call the calm before the storm? fuck it. i don't like that. ung tipong biglang hell kaagad. suntukan na lang kung ganun.

oh. met three of my professors. Fil102 didn't show up. (and so did the last sem's fil101 prof.. hmm. i sense a tradition in the making.) They seem okay. Ay oo. Baliw ung isa kong professor. Ewan ko kung sakit nya un o ano. Uber jittery. There's a lot of unnecessary actions involved in his movements.

But that's just first impression, of course. haha.

And i sincerely hope that i've seen the last of grammar classes. I dunno. Grammar just seems so pale and blah as compared to reading. haha xP shetness.

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i'm planning to change this blogskin after i've thought up a new layout and sought the motivation to do it. O-o haha, i've finally acquired a twilight pdf (thanks to fessa. If you're reading this, three cheers for you! ROFL. Biro lang ung tungkol sa libre kong cerealicious, dibaaaa? :D )

Which reminds me. Showing na nga pala ung movie some time this month(?). I'll be watching that. And if it bores the hell out of me, it means that i'm chucking my sanity(and a shiny pirated DVD OR, if im really reaaally rich, a movie ticket) down the trash.

Gap

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: spinning, jack's mannequin

there's a lot that i don't know and a lot of things that im still in the process of learning. i guess i can't deny the fact that im just all that i am. that there's a big gap between what i am now and the me that i want myself to be. And everyday i toil endlessly, but the gap just doesn't seem to close.

and it's so fucking depressing.

will try to cheer myself a little later.

Movie

Mood: wow'd.
Currently listening to: nothing.

wee. i just watched casper (1995 version) and it's so effing coool. haha xP call me whatever, but i just find the whole movie interesting. oh, torrent links
here, by the way.

editing this later, i guess. :| i have a lot of things to rant about.

Visiting.

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: the wordless, cinematic sunrise.

my tropa has this special tradition. we visit the manila memorial park at night and have fun. come to think of it, it's a bit old; i think this tradition dates back until junior year. it's great to observe this kind of things, i guess. it makes me believe there are some things that are worth fighting the good fight for.

i think there's something really.. ethereal about halloween. for one thing, it makes people look good in the dark. for another, it's an excuse for adults to act like kids.

nah. disregard what i said. it's just words gone bad.

-------------------------------------------

i want to believe in ghosts - in ghosts like Casper. think of it - there is a place to look forward to after death. before heaven, that is. (or hell, for that matter)

papa once told me scary stories. remember the old television show oka tokat? dad would always tell me spooky staries after. i remember his story about the rain monsters (ang mga halimaw sa ulan). according to him, it was a rainy night at his province. feeling the urge to use the bathroom, he stepped out of the room and went for the plants' shed. he didn't want to wake up anybody by going to the bathroom, y'see. and besides, the plants shed was closer.

so aun. after stepping out into the night, he began to answer the call of nature. that was when he noticed the eyes. the gleaming and golden eyes that were neither feline nor canine, much less human that surrounded the little plant shed. terrified, he ran straight back into the house, the sound of the rain pounding a hard chant in his ears.

he also told me of the time he got lost in the mountains. it was not raining then , thankfully. after much wandering about, he finally found the mountain path. breathing a sigh, he started out on it.

then he heard a noise coming from away the path. a steady "tick-tick-tick" from above the trees. his heart went straight up to his mouth. keeping his eyes fixed straight on the road, he continued walking. lola told him this once. "never look at the source of the sound. the tikbalang will get you then."

then the sound grew louder and louder. the "tick-tick-tick" seemed like a storm. it was evident that there was more than one tikbalang from the trees.

finally, the storm of sounds eneded. he had reached home.

---------------------------------------

thos stories stuck. even now, i do not look sideways whenever i hear any strange sound at night. the problem is, i hear some strange noises when i'm in bed. i imagine stuff coming out from the closet or the windows. coming from the windows is doubly scary; my window has iron bars and thick, bulletproof glass. for something to come out of that is... definitely not human.

or maybe i'm imagining things. imagination is a tool that can kill.

---------------------------------------

i'm still waiting for my mom to come home and give us food. after that i'll be going.

this may sound macabre, but if, for some strange reason that i do no come back from visiting the manila memorial late at night, you know what happened. :|

Not Your Bended Knees.

Mood: hmm.
Currently listening to: 1 2 3 4 , plain white t's.

this will be very very quick and very very short, since the words i want to express can be summed up in a song by audioslave, which links.. err. katamad. haha. here's the lyrics. :) maybe it speaks of your self too. maybe it doesn't. but when it does, i think you'll agree with me when i say how dreadful the feeling is.

Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don\'t wait for me
I\'ll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

i am not your rolling wheels
i am the highway
i am not your carpet ride
i am the sky
i am not your blowing wind
i am the lightning
i am not your autumn moon
i am the night

and.. that's it. will be going off to sleep now. today's been a very tiring day.

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because i took care of the pre enrollment procedures for irregular students. LOL. if the people i was around today is any indication, i guess being an irregularity isn't so bad after all.

maybe i'll blog about it tomorrow.

(*thinks*)

lol. maybe.

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and yeah. i share my plurk - which can be found here.

I've Said This Before.

Mood: peacee
Currently listening to: vince the lovable stoner, the fratenellis.

ye. pretty much just woke up after a sleepover from 5 pm, wednesday, to 3:30 pm, thursday. bumming around, we brought a effing huge vanilla ice cream. i guess the alcohol was forgotten for a moment. i therefore conclude that ice cream is the fastest remedy for a soul break. ROFL. soul break.

then someone said that he was hungry. haha :D

there's something very intimate when people cook food. at a little past 10, we fixed up bacon and eggs, canned pork and beans and sausages. hands drifted here and there, the dim sepia light illuminating the counter as the smell of pork burning in it's own fat and the sight of eggs in the frying pan spreading in the frying pan.

we watched a few movies. but a little after 4, drifted off to sleep in the middle of watching.. err. what was it again? rofl.

Ayuun. Just Like Heaven. argh. tae. mukha pa namang maganda. argh. haha

i think i'm starting to like magic the gathering again. but when i look at the price tags of each of the cards, my wallet sings a silent protest. to illustrate, there's this card, topping at a whopping thousands mark. ohfcukingnoes.

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there are a lot of things i don't know about the world. there a lot of things i'm sure of. And in between those two things, i can finally say that the healing, if somewhat crude and old, could finally begin.

hey wait. i feel like i've said this before.

GREAT. :|

Normality.

Mood: trying to be happy.
Currently listening to: sugarfree, prom

yaaay. today was like highschool, by the fact that i rode the route to school again; but this time, to pay the bills at an establishment not far from my highschool, not to go to school itself. By the way, i managed to drag arvin, since he's paying his cable fees too.

so after doing the stuff needed we rode to the nearest mall - sm jologs. Funny how much sm redefined paglalakwatsa. To quote jessica zafra, i do not recall my life before SM.

We ran into gabro there. He's studying at PATTS, by the way. it's that pretty big aeronautical(err...?) college in paranaque. he says it's like SAS; uber daming ex SAS students dun.

we ate at karate kid. the only thing worth mentioning is that it's chicken kickers kicks ass. =))

then the two of us - arvin and i - bummed around the house. gabro had to wait for his mom. xP

it has been a normal day, and i feel so peaceful.

will be blogging later. xP

Wasting all the Time

Mood: pressed
Currently listening to: coldplay, clocks.

i am reminded of a shirt i saw in artwork once. it simply said

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

i'm off.

Across the Universe (and beyond)

Mood: peaceful.
Currently listening to: getaway car, audioslave.

sem break is finally here. yay. i've found a way to spend it to; our editor gave us a lot of articles to finish, and i can't say i'm not happy about finding a way to spend my free days. so if you're reading this, thanks, ate jill. :D

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i've finally cleaned my room(specifically, my closet), and i felt like i was wading in deep jumanji jungles. i mean, even i was amazed at how much clutter i've accumulated through the years. there were boxes of pictures, merits, certificates, used shirts, notebooks and other gadgets that i stuffed inside.

i guess one of the better finds was a simple orange filler notebook dating back from my junior year. it was filled with quotes from bands and ordinary people; y'know. simple corny stuff that i always find myself keeping. the stuff that matters.

there's this little space at the end of the said notebook. it simply said

there's a sad song inside
all of us.
-10th of february, 2007.

i was racking my brains since yesterday to find out what the hell happened on that day. i just don't write sad quotes for the heck of it. there's gotta be a something.

and now, this 12 of october, just a few hours ago, i've finally remembered.

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dad is playing the beatles upstairs.

i find myself singing along.

A Planet Wasted

Mood: surprised.
Currently listening to: white houses, vanessa carlton.

a very great kid just labeled his blog with the words "dead".

and i'm tempted, and at the same time, scared to follow. there's a lot of drama in my life right now - maybe it'll end, maybe it won't. its an undecided bitch.

but at the end of the day, when i ask myself what i've done, i'm left speechless. it's a devastating feeling. it feels like you're this huge lump of clay that has no other added meaning. it sucks. there's not even a flicker of peace or soul, or romance, or passion, the very things that i promised myself to believe in. the very things that we're supposed to have to save the our world - figuratively and literally.

is this what they call a natural decay? or are we all just wasting away on something so versed we have named life?

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ang sarap sayangin ang oras, lalo na kung nasayang naman talaga ito sa isang tao sa simula pa lamang.

Whoaaaaaaaa

Mood: like, whoa.
Currently listening to: none.

it's 1:25, and i have to fix up at 4 to get to school on time.
today's the finals, and oooh, boy. nothing's entering the nutshell.

All of A Sudden, I Miss Everyone

Mood: blank. for the nth time.
Currently listening to: where does the good go, tegan and sara

crap. i've been thinking a lot of stuff lately. ayun like the math issue. if worst comes to worst, i'll be an irregular. maybe that's the reason why i'm burning all of my eyebrows studying. to be honest, i'm kinda sure that i'll fail a subject. i mean, i kind of did a quick recon/survey, and i think that more than half of the class would fail. i dunno. i sincerely hope not.

whatever. if i go down, i guess i'd go down fighting.

owyeah. i sound so noble, don't i? lol.

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on the upside, i finally got a laptop. it's an hp pavilion 7800(?), and it's looking cool as ever. and oh - sis finally graduated, and im happy for her. (if you're reading this, you'd better treat me to a sakae sushi buffet for praising yer ass.)

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i am once again amazed at how stupid and pretentious people can be. if you think about it, there are a lot of things people could use their brain cells for. so why waste it on things that are full of uncertainty? what the hell.

anyway, maybe it's just me, but i think the whole world is changing. we're more emotional than ever. maybe in the future, they're gonna call this the industrially emotional age or the faux renaissance age.

i am reminded of a sentence shanus once said. " takte pati ang dota mahirap na. wala ng madali sa mundoo!"

waw. hindi ko na rin maalala ung exact words. haha. wala ng madali ngayon. basta prang ganyan. rofl.

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gtg. neuroanatomy and math calls.

Circle, Circle

Mood: afraid and sleepy.
Currently listening to: matchbook romance, promise.

i know, i know. hiatus has been officially declared. it's just that i've finally found a great word to summarize what i've been feeling. it's shell. i know. it sounds so stupid. but i dunno. i just don't want to interact with a lot of people right now. i don't want to talk much. i just want to think - of what i've been doing, of what i plan on doing, of what i've done. it's a quite funny, actually. i just want to wrap myself in a shell and close off to the world to do some long put off thinking.

my problem is, whenever i try and think... it always circles, you know? all of my thoughts circle, in a beautiful and sad way, back to you.

i think i've said in my last post that we're all broken inside. i guess that's probably the most meaningful thing i've said in a while. people may not look like it, but it's pretty evident actually. in the train, fx or jeep, notice an ordinary person's eyes, and you'll see how much all of us are battered in the inside. how much pain we have withstood to get where we are now, how scratches and dried-up wounds decorate our knees and hands, how we cried during the most painful of days, and how we tried forgetting, all in vain.

-------------------------------------------

fear. i have had enough of it. i just want to curl up and lay down forever. i want to believe in life. i really want to. i want to see how all of this ends up. i want assurance. i want to get back on my feet and run. i want to.. step foot again in this fairytale and plant my feet deep in the grass and breathe. just.. breathe.

i've had enough of it. i just want to breathe as easily as i once did.

Declaring Hiatus

Mood: stressed, but still.. i dunno.
Currently listening to: mayday, bump of chicken

im officially declaring hiatus. i dunno when it will end. heck i'm not even sure why im under so much. but i guess if i have to point out a reason.. i think it'd be the fact that change is a very powerful tide, and i don't have the means to swim across it any more.

no, im not dying, nor am i entertaining any thoughts of suicide.

im just a little broken on the inside, just like all of us.

Reaksyon

Mood: pissed off.
Currently listening to: none.

(uh. excessive cuss words on the way)

im so fucking pissed right fucking now. i just saw a forum ONLINE dissing sas. teka ah.



- nag bayad naman kme ng kompleto para sa fieldtrip peo bkt parang tinipid ung bus??? halo halo tuloy mga section...
wla png wenta ung field trip, ndi worth it...

--> tangina ang bobo mo naman. magbasa ka nga ng dyaryo o manood ka ng tv. antayin mo ang presyo ng gasolina ah, tsaka ang mga balita tungkol sa pamahalaan.



-high quality education dw an ine`aim nan skul c0,pero mukang high quantity pocket money ata an tlgang aim nan skul co ihh.! apaka`mmahal nan mga binebenta tas an mhal nan tuition fee,eeh di co nmn mkita ung sense nan increase nan tuition fee every year.! damn it.! anu un.? pti skul,may VAT.? taeng yan.

--> kasama sa binabayaran ng paaralan ang kuryente, tubig, sangkap pang luto at maintenance. lahat ng mga nabanggit ay may EVAT. at grabe ah. paki ayos naman sulat mo mehn. no offense ah. pero grabe eh.



-nag HIRE sila ng Teacher na akala mo naman College na kme!hellooooo High School p lng kme!!
--> puta ang bobo mo rin. okay nga un eh. tangina. kesa naman sa wala kang alam sa kolehiyo diba? alam mo ba ang karapatan mo? tangina pwede ka namang makipagtalo(pota wag kang mamilosopo) o makiusap ah.



-ano ung Sense kung bkt pnaghiwalay ang Babae at Lalaki sa HS?!.helllooooo!!L-)
-galing ako sa andrus.. potek wala pang babae hiwalay sama nyo babae sa lalaki para babalik ako sa andrus

--> maski ako man, hindi pabor. ang nakikita ko lamang na mga dahilan ay upang makapagaral ng wasto ang bawat estudyante at upang maiwasan ang kung ano mang masamang mangyayari.

pero, kung ayaw mo, e di lumipat ka. pootek. laki laki ng problema mo eh. mamatay utak mo niyan. tangina babaero/lalakero. ayan ang klase ng tao na ayoko sa lahat eh. ang puso ng tao ay hindi lamang puro laman. hindi ito gawa sa hayok.



-WALA NA SI J****N SANTILLAN AT J***E VERGARA! YUN UN EH =)))))))))))))

--> tangina sayang lang sa space.



-ginagawa nga nilang high-quality ang andrews, sa MALING PARAAN! tangina!
last periodic prang nadoble bayad..ka lolongtest lng periodic n agad!!tpos xame month pro bukod ang bayad?!kurakot!.

--> edi kausapin ninyo STUDENT GOVERNMENT! aukong mabadtrip. pero namaaan.
para malaman kung saan napunta ang mga binayaran ninyo. malay mo, mali talaga ang paaralan. o ha.



bwct.! san andres palengke dpt pangalan nan skul c0.! >:|

--> para mo na ring pinatay hindi lamang ang sarili mo, kung di ang lahat ng iniyakan ang kanilang mga proyekot, sumayaw sa mga sayawan, umibig at nasaktan, nalungkot, umuwi ng sobrang gabi na.

tinapakan mo lamang ang dignidad ng lahat ng mga taong nagsikap na makapagtapos sa paaralang yan. tinapakan ang lahat ng alaala ng lahat ng taong nagsilabas pasok sa mga pintuan ng bawat klase.

grabe ah.


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http://www.theandreans.org/index.php?topic=296.0

Masyadong Madaming Drama ang Buhay

Mood: melancholic. meh. the same as always, i guess.
Currently listening to: feeling a moment, feeder.

kay tibay, at kay lambot ng puso ng tao. ewan. nakakamangha.

maraming nangyari kahapon, pero siguro sa sunod na araw ko na lang ikwekwento, kung ikwekwento ko man.

haaay. bakit ba ang daming drama ng buhay?

Honey, Ain't That Nice

Mood: hanging
Currently listening to: breathe, anberlin

i don't know what im feeling. rofl. it's depression, and anxiety, and happiness, and boredom. i think this is what people say as falling into a rut. i can't move forward, and i can't move backwards either. well. it's not like i wanted to, anyway.

i have a ton of work piled up.

stop.

the above statement shows how much i have matured, ne? i now regard stuff as work. it's funny. there's a term for this. jaded i think. but then again, no. that's concerned with waiting.

in a sense, yeah. i guess i AM waiting. but i know it's just another one of those loong waits that never seem to end. just another wait. nothing special, i guess.

im also bored. i know, i should not be. it's just that the days seems so monotonous. time... is like useless lumps of water. no, not water. more like ketchup. it's in big dollops that fall splat splat all over the pavement.

is this really what it's like growing up? im not sure. i haven't felt this before.

or maybe i have.

im downloading a dashboard confessional album. i know, i know. it won't help me get over this... whatever this is. but anything is better than remaining stagnant.

and hey, look. i accidentally pressed a key on the keyboard, and a window popped up. it says Help and Support Center.

now if it only it included a topic with feelings and emotions.

which reminds me. i have to study for general psychology. ain't that nice.

-------------------------------------------

i know i don't sound like im making sense.

that makes two of us. ye. apir.

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hey, i this post is veee-ry.. imagery. great. just when im not in the mood to write, there it goes.

Slowbro

Mood: bleh
Currently listening to: meruto, vocaloid hatsune miku version.

for this week, concrete.
1. finish theo project
2. study for muscle exam, zoolab
3. accomplish asst dean interview on monday, contact margaret soberano for details
4. download albums
5. finish yume nikki(dream diary)
6. adobe. thanks goes to rb for this.

for this week, abstract.
1. decide.
2. wait.
3. plan.

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shiiit. ndi ko pa natatapos full metal ni nicolaaaaaaa. if you're reading this, waa. sorry. xP

Mga Kuwentong FX

Mood: WTF face, on.
Currently listening to: don't wait, dashboard confessional

kuwentong fx. haha. magandang pangalan. baka gamitin ko ito sa mga susunod na mga blog)(kung gagawa man ako ng panibago). salitang balbal ang gagamitin ko dito. para astig. ganito ako magkwento. kadalasan, may mura. kadalasan, patungkol sa mga nakita ko't naisip sa mga paglalakbay.

kuwentong fx.

noong lunes, putangina. ang nasakyan kong fx ay sagad sa buto ang musika. matutuwa na sana ako. KASO. ang kanyang musika ay puro butete. Butete. yung kanta. shiit. paulit paulit pa. kung meron mang break, isang kanta lang. ung payong ata ang tawag sa kantang yon. ung may lyrics na "hindi na, hinde, hinde, hinde". basta ginaya na kanta ni rihanna. ung negrang magaling sa video, mejo hindi kagalingan sa live.

so aun. butete. pooootek. na memorize ko na ng tuluyan ang ilan sa lyrics nito.

ug hatinggabii, iinbayt mi ug bertdi
(ug bertdi)
sa partii, may handang butiti
(butiti)
waka'y baloou, makahilo
(lo, lo, lo, lo)

i swear. dumuuugo ang utak ko nun. sakto pa naman, ang init sa loob ng fx. naluto ang aking descending fiber tract of V, ang cerebellar peduncles at ang aking cortico-bulbar fibers. pati ang aking mga cardiac muscles ay nag overtime.

bumili nga pala ako ng pamaypay noong nakaraang huwebes. kulay orange, na may design na kulay blue na tren tsaka stars. pambata, alam ko. pero ang cute eh.

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kanina, sumakay ako sa harap ng fx. sa may passenger seat talaga. ang sama ng katabi ko amp. inangkin ung 70% ng upuan. nakita ko ang ayos ng kanyang legs, ang laki ng agwat, kaya nasakop niya ang higit sa kalahati ng maliit na upuan.

kaya ako naman na nasa may stick(ano ba ang tawag dun? haha), ipit na ipit. kaya pati tuloy si manong driver nahihirapan sa pag change ng gears. muntik na kaming masagasaan.

bumaba siya ng zapote. lalaki nga pala siya, nakasalamin, siguro nasa late 40's na siya at may suot na blue long sleeves. may bigote tsaka gold na watch sa kanang kamay. walang dalang gamit.

mukhang empleyado. ordinaryong tao lamang, nagtratrabaho siguro naman ng matiwasay. may wedding ring. siguro may tatlo o apat na anak.

ordinaryong tao lamang. katulad ko. ngunit hindi man lamang niya inintindi na may nahihirapan na kanyang mga ginagawa.

ganyan ba ang ordinaryo? kung oo, potek. ayoko na maging ordinaryo.

Viscera

Mood: creaaaaaative, and sarcastic.
Currently listening to: an untranslated song by nobuo uematsu.

waha. i so have a lot of things to finish for the night. graaabe. i can't believe how much stacked up over just one freaking day. im going ballistic, and i'm not saying it in a figurative way.

to illustrate, i have..

1) a theo movie to make,
2) a ridiculously long SA chapter outlines to answer,
3) a feature article on two diseased professors,


and while im doing all of these things, i'll try and push a memory out of my system. you know; the whole "bury-thyself-in-work" therapy.

hey.

im feeling better already.

naaah. who am i kidding?

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im still living in the past, in more ways than one.

anyways, gotta go. something smells awfully good.

ps.

charizard+kadabra+cubone+pidgeot, FOR THE WIN. :D

A Hint of Depression and Nostalgia

Mood: shitty
Currently listening to: begin, ben lee.

yeeea. i'm doing a movie report again, and a pretty long(compared to the 10min ones) one at that. it's for theo101, and i think it's going to be reaal hard, cause it's been a while since i've handled something like this, the last one being a report on the cold war.

so you can guess my apprehension and excitement(i guess)right now. which reminds me, i till have to download a movie maker program, since for some reason, i cannot find windows movie maker here at my desktop. great.

here's a picture of all the actors.(actors, rofl)
i kinda like this picture, since i think it brings out a certain "drama" feel to it. lol. or maybe that's just me.

and ohshit, my hair.

what the hell happened to it? it looks.. uh. organized. and my hair is never organized, lol.

ohwell. shit happens, i guess.


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yesterday, i also had my first college interview about two professors dying in such a short span of time. and in a week's time, a feature must be born. rofl.

ohnoes, i have yet to learn again the sacred art of feature-writing.

and yeah, today's the BLG concert, and i'm not going. :) idunno. it feels sort of okay, i guess, that im missing out on an international band's free concert. i dunno why, but i feel at peace.

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by the way, i found an old(aww, old.) courier picture somewhere in my pictures folder.

lol. to all the courier graduates... naah. hi, i guess. these photos were for our id, and rofl. thanks for giving the ids early. (cue sarcasm)

anyway, saving the world one article at a time. i believed that back then. maybe yeah, in the back of my mind, there was this doubt, as to whether what i was doing really mattered to anyone.

i guess "no" would be majority's answer. to hell with youuu.

rofl. im not talking about saving others. though it would be nice to save a confused kid, or at the very least help alleviate some of his burdens, the chances of that happening is pretty slim.

but looking back, it DID matter. at least to me.

by the way, guess where i am. rofl. :))

. . .

yap. smack bang in the center. sabi nga ni rb, cheers to life and it's stupidities.

Just Like Humans Do

Mood blank
Currently listening to: don't wait, dashboard confessional

here's what happened last monday.

eng101a professor, on her lesson about stating your opinion.

"will you wait until somebody calls you?"

yours truly, sitting at the back, silently.
"yeah, i will"

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i dunno. i know it's way out of my professor's context. but it just drifted into my mind, you know. i believe in destiny. or rather, i want to believe in destiny.

the japanese have this belief, you know. that there is an invisible red string tied around your pinky finger that ends, tied at your destined one's pinky finger too.

your destined one. your fated one. it sounds really cool. it loops around all things the strings stretching along the many miles that divide you with your destiny.

i've always wanted to believe in destiny, ever after and happy endings. but i guess it's out of fashion nowadays.

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i'm laughing a lot right now. i just my english homework due for tomorrow. it's to answer page 159 of the workbook. when i flipped to the said page, here's what it said.

"list down five personal qualities, in the order of importance which you might consider in choosing a date. compare your opinions/beliefs with those of your seatmate. state the reaons for your ranking using the expressions you have just learned. you may include the qualities you find below or you may think of your own. then one of you will share with the class what transpired during your discussion"

astig. ROFL.

The Saddest Songs

Mood: silent.
Currently listening to: calling all cars, senses fail

hmm. today is insignificant monday. i already feel like curling up and hibernating for a few weeks - doing nothing but sleeping. hardcore.

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general psychology says that there are four stages of sleep, and at the end of the fourth stage, REM occurs for a short time. The cycle then happens again, but this time, in backward progression; it starts at the 4th stage and ends at the 1st. At the end of the 1st stage, REM occurs again. This cycle repeats again. Every cycle is approximately an hour or so.

and since in an average human sleep the cycle occurs twice, meaning, in an average night, there are four REM stages.

four freaking dreams. my gen psych prof tells me that the dream you recall is the most recent dream, the dream you had from the last turn of the cycle.

meaning, i forget three dreams every night. great.

but of course, this is all speculation. even i didn't want to believe in it, at first. but it eerily makes sense, and i haven't talked to anyone about it.

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the greatest parts about being a human are also the hardest parts of being one. i mean, yeah. the whole "alive" package is a good deal. you get to experience at least a taste of life. but in the said life, you suffer, stumble, cry and ultimately die in the process of "living"

the other good thing is identity. yeah, i'm not just talking about your name, or your family. it's everything you are. at first it sounds so easy; you just live and boom. you have an identity.

but the hard part comes when you're in doubt about who you really are. and if you think you know who you are, think again. what exactly lies deep beneath the pile of media norms? what exactly lies underneath the coverings you dress yourself with?

it sucks, i know. what is you and what is not?

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i don't know who i am anymore. it's a pretty scary thing. but im not going mad nor am i going into another state of induced depression. it's just that i think i have lost a part of me, and i just don't know what. it's infuriating.

it's like leaving the house early in the morning. you mentally check yourself if you have everything you need. sometimes, you even open up your bag and examine the contents. at some point, you are satisfied and ride a vehicle to reach a destination, say school.

while in the aforementioned vehicle, it suddenly dawns on you that you HAVE forgotten something, and it is of important value. you mentally kick yourself, a feeble attempt to rack your memories.

but you fail. miserably, at that.

get it? good. that's what i feel right now; like i have lost something awfully important, but i just can't get a grip on what the heck it is. argh.

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"...well as for now, i'm gonna hear the saddest songs..."

Bee.

Mood: bored.
Currently listening to: vanessa carlton, white houses

i just had this really tasty soup for dinner. it was creamy, and it had corn and crab in it. and oh - there was even bits of egg in it, and those..erm. green somethings. basta. it was delicious. thank you, God.

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i guess a lot happened today. ive been doing a lot of thinking, more than the usual, i guess. i've been digging up a lot of things from the past, some of which have been buried deeper than the usual "six feet below the ground" stuff you hear everyday.

and it still wasn't enough to satisfy just a simple question. wth is wrong with me?

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yay. one of the CSJ poems i submitted got praised! haha. :) yes, i know. it sounds really lame, but it means a lot to me. i mean, it's not exactly everyday that i get to hear praise. whew.

but the sad thing is, a story was labeled lacking. i guess they're right. :)) well, actually, they ARE right. it feels like it's lacking a lot. it ends abruptly.

owellpapel. gotta work.

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for the remaining time that is my weekend, i must

1. edit all of the csj articles.
2. check out block's yahoo groups for the updated gen psych lecture
3. catch up on zoolec. omgaah, i let my guard down for a second.
4. transfer the adobe series from sis' laptop to the desktop.
5. dl the 2nd episode of kyouran kazoky nikki ->> i swear, may anime talagang ganyan.
6. watch 5 episodes of full metal and bug chola @ monday for the movie. lol.
7. upload pictures.
8. dl music.

i guess that's it. (*reads through all of them*)

stfu-ing up nao.

Taning

Mood: pissed off.
Currently listening to: mata, mojofly.

ipagdadasal ko na sana bumaba ka na sa langit at matututong humalik muli sa lupa, ang dumi na iyong pinagmulan. ipagdadasal ko na sana bumukas na ang yong mata at durugin ng silaw ng araw ang iyong utak at kalooban. ipagdadasal ko na sana sa araw araw nating pagkikita, ikaw ay matutong magpahalaga sa tao.

mamatay na ang tamaan.

ako'y hindi natutuwa.

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so the post above was like an hour ago. :) i'm feeling a lot better now. it's now 3:08 am, and in a few hours, i will be there again, swimming in a world unknown.

yesterday was like the holy shit of all holy shits. i so hate wednesday. i have a lot of stuff to carry since it's pe. and since it's pe, it is yet another chance for other people to express how omgaah they are at sports. i think there's a term for that. cerebral masturbation, i think. or ego masturbation. whatever.

basically, it's showing off your brain(when in fact you don't have any) just for simple self-gratifying purposes. it's like peeling the wrapper off a chocolate bar to deliberately invoke feelings of jealousy to others, or to satisfy your ego.

so anyway, it was pe, and i was attempting to grab the ball in mid-air. i landed on the wrong foot and boom. i think i wrecked a nerve. erm. a lot of nerves. it hurts like hell. i was wincing the whole game time, and due to that, our team lost by a point. crap.

now i feel like i owe something. great. just great. another reason to dread and hate wednesdays.

yeah, i know, i know. it gets worse the more you think about it. but what the heck man. asking me to stop thinking about it is like asking if pigs sweat.(they don't, by the way)

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i guess popularity is still damn important to people nowadays. i dunno. it's just that everyday, i see people on talk shows and game shows and talent searches and all of them seem to revolve, in one way or another, popularity. and i can't help but ask the question why?

even at the university. i mean, yeah sure; popularity is important. i get that. but when you think about it, what do you really need it for? is it some kind of twisted goal you're hell bent on achieving? is it a way to get by? why do people step on other people to satisfy themselves?

i'm hoping i learn more about this in class.

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Im Off

Mood: perky.
Currently listening to: woah oh, forever the sickest kids

yeah. so i'm off in a few hours to spend the day with some of the greatest people in the world - my highschool tropa.

be back, i guess. :))

Starting a Dream Diary and Other Things i Should Have Been Doing

Mood: happy
Currently listening to: taiyou no mannake he.

I woke up at 5 this morning. after checking the time, putting on my specs and washing my face with cold water, i realized that it's SUNDAY.

oh well. i told myself. gising naman din ako, mangugulo na lang din ako.

then i remembered that i have this homework for gen psych; a dream diary. too bad i don't remember my dream last friday. i dunno if i even dreamed at the time.

but this night, i sorta remember dreaming about my sister asking what version the windows media player in the desktop is. she continued, saying that her version of the said player was outdated, and since the desktop was newly formatted and outfitted with some of the latest programs, it outdated hers. we were in the living room then.

then i remember declining and going upstairs to sleep.

yeah, i know. it sounds really ordinary. heck, i don't know if it's a real dream or not. but naman. what can i do?

what can i do, when all i want is to dream of you?

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okay, that just sounded so sappy. ang aga aga eh.

i'm playing a hacked version of pokemon fire red on visual boy. haha, instead of pokemons, i'm playing with little chibi/human kid versions of them. it's called MOEmon, and moe is japanese for turn on.

i think it's a riot. yeah, it's kinda unsettling when you pit your moemon(a kid) against other kids. teka, i think i have a picture. wait lang.


yeah. this here's a pinsir, with it's moemon counterpart. i haven't seen an in-game pinsir yet, but i'm pretty sure it'll rock.

i'm planning to build my usual lineup. a fire starter pokemon, a flying, a psychic, an ice and probably the rest of the legendary pokemons - err moemons. looking forward to meeting mew. ^^

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last night i talked to cheese, a really great person in SAS. after talking to him, i think the faster beating in my chest is something unrelated to my medical health.

nah. i guess i sort of knew it from the start.

i dunno. i've seen what the human heart can do, and it's a two sided coin. both sides are a bitch, but both of them also feels great.

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oh noes. i just remembered. i have to pass a shoty story and two poems by the 28th. argh.

and oh. jhanna's somewhere in the ocean. mermaid. :))

Crispy Golden Brown.

Mood: blah. it's sooo hot. argh.
Currently listening to: inevitable, anberlin.

okaay. so these past few days, we received our prelim grades. it was pretty cool. sobrang nanghinayang ako sa gen psych. since it was practically our first case study, a full 10 point grade was given to the ones that followed the instructions. eh since our group misunderstood and passed individual case studies instead of passing as a whole. so aun. we were given 5 points. sayang. ang laki ng nawala. argh.

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so aun. math was freaky. i was shaking(take note, shaking) the period before algeb cause i forgot my algeb notebook. eh that meeting, we were supposed to compute for our prelim grades, so we needed the scores for every quiz, for every seatwork, aun.

pos un. since i forgot my algeb notebook, i had no choice but to put on an estimate and get an automatic minus five rather than risk getting no grade at all.

and thanks to that, it looks like i will see a lot more of my professor this second semester. argh. crap you, algeb notebook. i refuse to go down this way. i mean, ang stupid naman ng dahilan. i'd better go and ask her, eh?

but yeah, that's right. i refuse to go down this way.

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today, we shot the a few scenes at intramuros for our theology presentation. it was okay, it was fun even. even though we were still wearing our ust uniforms, and intramuros houses mapua, plm and lyceum. haha, para akong napasok sa ibang mundo.

but aun. naluto ako papuntang intramuros. naluto pa ako nung nag iikot na kami para makahanap ng location dun. argh. super luto. crispy golden brown ang kinalabasan namin.

but yeah. it was fun. jhecka had this funky disciple's costume, and i was given a pink costume to wear. it was cool. grabe. we looked like we were filming an encantadia scene. kulang lang ang mga sibat.

but alas. manong guard trolled over and told us to scram(well, not scram per se, pero prang ganoon na rin iyon), since this place prohibits filming. sayang. hindi pa natapos ang scene. argh.

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i believe in better days. sabi nga nila, baka na traffic nga lang daw. but yeah. i still believe in better days. you could say i'm a frustrated optimist, which is true, in a sense.

i Believe.

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you know, i was having second thoughts back then.
but i guess all questions have been asked, save one.

why?