Bee.

Mood: bored.
Currently listening to: vanessa carlton, white houses

i just had this really tasty soup for dinner. it was creamy, and it had corn and crab in it. and oh - there was even bits of egg in it, and those..erm. green somethings. basta. it was delicious. thank you, God.

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i guess a lot happened today. ive been doing a lot of thinking, more than the usual, i guess. i've been digging up a lot of things from the past, some of which have been buried deeper than the usual "six feet below the ground" stuff you hear everyday.

and it still wasn't enough to satisfy just a simple question. wth is wrong with me?

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yay. one of the CSJ poems i submitted got praised! haha. :) yes, i know. it sounds really lame, but it means a lot to me. i mean, it's not exactly everyday that i get to hear praise. whew.

but the sad thing is, a story was labeled lacking. i guess they're right. :)) well, actually, they ARE right. it feels like it's lacking a lot. it ends abruptly.

owellpapel. gotta work.

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for the remaining time that is my weekend, i must

1. edit all of the csj articles.
2. check out block's yahoo groups for the updated gen psych lecture
3. catch up on zoolec. omgaah, i let my guard down for a second.
4. transfer the adobe series from sis' laptop to the desktop.
5. dl the 2nd episode of kyouran kazoky nikki ->> i swear, may anime talagang ganyan.
6. watch 5 episodes of full metal and bug chola @ monday for the movie. lol.
7. upload pictures.
8. dl music.

i guess that's it. (*reads through all of them*)

stfu-ing up nao.

Taning

Mood: pissed off.
Currently listening to: mata, mojofly.

ipagdadasal ko na sana bumaba ka na sa langit at matututong humalik muli sa lupa, ang dumi na iyong pinagmulan. ipagdadasal ko na sana bumukas na ang yong mata at durugin ng silaw ng araw ang iyong utak at kalooban. ipagdadasal ko na sana sa araw araw nating pagkikita, ikaw ay matutong magpahalaga sa tao.

mamatay na ang tamaan.

ako'y hindi natutuwa.

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so the post above was like an hour ago. :) i'm feeling a lot better now. it's now 3:08 am, and in a few hours, i will be there again, swimming in a world unknown.

yesterday was like the holy shit of all holy shits. i so hate wednesday. i have a lot of stuff to carry since it's pe. and since it's pe, it is yet another chance for other people to express how omgaah they are at sports. i think there's a term for that. cerebral masturbation, i think. or ego masturbation. whatever.

basically, it's showing off your brain(when in fact you don't have any) just for simple self-gratifying purposes. it's like peeling the wrapper off a chocolate bar to deliberately invoke feelings of jealousy to others, or to satisfy your ego.

so anyway, it was pe, and i was attempting to grab the ball in mid-air. i landed on the wrong foot and boom. i think i wrecked a nerve. erm. a lot of nerves. it hurts like hell. i was wincing the whole game time, and due to that, our team lost by a point. crap.

now i feel like i owe something. great. just great. another reason to dread and hate wednesdays.

yeah, i know, i know. it gets worse the more you think about it. but what the heck man. asking me to stop thinking about it is like asking if pigs sweat.(they don't, by the way)

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i guess popularity is still damn important to people nowadays. i dunno. it's just that everyday, i see people on talk shows and game shows and talent searches and all of them seem to revolve, in one way or another, popularity. and i can't help but ask the question why?

even at the university. i mean, yeah sure; popularity is important. i get that. but when you think about it, what do you really need it for? is it some kind of twisted goal you're hell bent on achieving? is it a way to get by? why do people step on other people to satisfy themselves?

i'm hoping i learn more about this in class.

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Im Off

Mood: perky.
Currently listening to: woah oh, forever the sickest kids

yeah. so i'm off in a few hours to spend the day with some of the greatest people in the world - my highschool tropa.

be back, i guess. :))

Starting a Dream Diary and Other Things i Should Have Been Doing

Mood: happy
Currently listening to: taiyou no mannake he.

I woke up at 5 this morning. after checking the time, putting on my specs and washing my face with cold water, i realized that it's SUNDAY.

oh well. i told myself. gising naman din ako, mangugulo na lang din ako.

then i remembered that i have this homework for gen psych; a dream diary. too bad i don't remember my dream last friday. i dunno if i even dreamed at the time.

but this night, i sorta remember dreaming about my sister asking what version the windows media player in the desktop is. she continued, saying that her version of the said player was outdated, and since the desktop was newly formatted and outfitted with some of the latest programs, it outdated hers. we were in the living room then.

then i remember declining and going upstairs to sleep.

yeah, i know. it sounds really ordinary. heck, i don't know if it's a real dream or not. but naman. what can i do?

what can i do, when all i want is to dream of you?

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okay, that just sounded so sappy. ang aga aga eh.

i'm playing a hacked version of pokemon fire red on visual boy. haha, instead of pokemons, i'm playing with little chibi/human kid versions of them. it's called MOEmon, and moe is japanese for turn on.

i think it's a riot. yeah, it's kinda unsettling when you pit your moemon(a kid) against other kids. teka, i think i have a picture. wait lang.


yeah. this here's a pinsir, with it's moemon counterpart. i haven't seen an in-game pinsir yet, but i'm pretty sure it'll rock.

i'm planning to build my usual lineup. a fire starter pokemon, a flying, a psychic, an ice and probably the rest of the legendary pokemons - err moemons. looking forward to meeting mew. ^^

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last night i talked to cheese, a really great person in SAS. after talking to him, i think the faster beating in my chest is something unrelated to my medical health.

nah. i guess i sort of knew it from the start.

i dunno. i've seen what the human heart can do, and it's a two sided coin. both sides are a bitch, but both of them also feels great.

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oh noes. i just remembered. i have to pass a shoty story and two poems by the 28th. argh.

and oh. jhanna's somewhere in the ocean. mermaid. :))

Crispy Golden Brown.

Mood: blah. it's sooo hot. argh.
Currently listening to: inevitable, anberlin.

okaay. so these past few days, we received our prelim grades. it was pretty cool. sobrang nanghinayang ako sa gen psych. since it was practically our first case study, a full 10 point grade was given to the ones that followed the instructions. eh since our group misunderstood and passed individual case studies instead of passing as a whole. so aun. we were given 5 points. sayang. ang laki ng nawala. argh.

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so aun. math was freaky. i was shaking(take note, shaking) the period before algeb cause i forgot my algeb notebook. eh that meeting, we were supposed to compute for our prelim grades, so we needed the scores for every quiz, for every seatwork, aun.

pos un. since i forgot my algeb notebook, i had no choice but to put on an estimate and get an automatic minus five rather than risk getting no grade at all.

and thanks to that, it looks like i will see a lot more of my professor this second semester. argh. crap you, algeb notebook. i refuse to go down this way. i mean, ang stupid naman ng dahilan. i'd better go and ask her, eh?

but yeah, that's right. i refuse to go down this way.

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today, we shot the a few scenes at intramuros for our theology presentation. it was okay, it was fun even. even though we were still wearing our ust uniforms, and intramuros houses mapua, plm and lyceum. haha, para akong napasok sa ibang mundo.

but aun. naluto ako papuntang intramuros. naluto pa ako nung nag iikot na kami para makahanap ng location dun. argh. super luto. crispy golden brown ang kinalabasan namin.

but yeah. it was fun. jhecka had this funky disciple's costume, and i was given a pink costume to wear. it was cool. grabe. we looked like we were filming an encantadia scene. kulang lang ang mga sibat.

but alas. manong guard trolled over and told us to scram(well, not scram per se, pero prang ganoon na rin iyon), since this place prohibits filming. sayang. hindi pa natapos ang scene. argh.

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i believe in better days. sabi nga nila, baka na traffic nga lang daw. but yeah. i still believe in better days. you could say i'm a frustrated optimist, which is true, in a sense.

i Believe.

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you know, i was having second thoughts back then.
but i guess all questions have been asked, save one.

why?

Eating Lychees

Mood: hungry.
Currently listening to: stuck at sea, the honorary title

today was fun, i guess. classes were cut at 12, so it meant that i was freed from the torture that was the triple combo of math, theo and pe. after learning the news, the class was silently erupting in glee. silently. neuro pa nun eh. si king budji naman hardcore na nagturo pa rin. angas.

so aun. after dismissal, we practiced for the Filipino play. i dunno. it was really fun. our play was about Juan Tamad, so i guess it wasn't really hard for us to fit in with our roles.

after a while, an ordinary play turned out to be a musical. that really got the ball rolling. a lot of ideas were simply.. awesome. Ieya's in particular was cool. thanks to her, we now have a pretty awesome intro - a polyphonic chant that goes.. well, duh. parang kaya kong pakantahin ang mga letters eh. naman. :))

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so aun. last last night, one of the greatest persons alive, rb, looped me into a chat. grabe. haha. pandemonium. i dunno if he drinks something weird every morning, but rb always has a weird, but cool, set of friends. of course, kasama na kami dun. haha. owye.

anyway, there were a lot of new names in the said chat. pos andaming nausong mga pangalan at nicknames.

and if i say nicknames, i MUST mention trisha/ramona, a dudette in PLM. and it's really funny, because she studied high school at parsci, and she was classmates with nadessa, stephanie and kathryn and kathlyn(the first identical twins i have ever seen), some of the people that i've met in elementary. it's really cool, how everything manages to tie up. i mean, yeah, it's a small world. i know that for a fact.

but it never fails to amaze me how much each of us is connected to another, like some giant freaky looking music score, or like a huge parchment full of words in cursive writing - they all have intersecting and interesting lines that connect us all.

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i miss blogging. i think i write better when i'm not pressured. when i'm just telling a story of what happened today, what i'm thinking, what i want to eat for dinner or what i want to see when i wake up than writing for an assignment, for the csj, or for capital f, even. i guess when i'm writing, (for lack of better term) professionally, there's always a little voice inside telling me that's it's not enough, it's not enough. I always have to beat that voice in order to just write a single sentence.

sometimes it's hard to beat that freaking little voice. sometimes it's not. sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me up all night, sometimes it's the last lullaby i hear for the evening.

but the sheer fun of writing stories beats it all, i guess. it's cool to see people enjoy reading the stuff you bled for last night.

nga pala. a lot of people think that writers, whether professional or not, often write like magic - a quick flick of the hand and a quick breeze of the mind and voila! a story is born.

i beg to differ, and i think i speak for a lot of the writers in general when i say that writing is never easy. i think that whenever you write, there is a piece of you that stays in those words for as long as there are still words left on this Earth
and yeah. there's still the voice, that little insecurity that gnaws at your insides, that you still have to beat.

and once you get past that, it's a great feeling. there's this sense of accomplishment in thinking what the hell would the potential reader of this story would think.

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sorry this turned out to be so mushy and so loooooong. crap. haha.

gtg. something smells really good for dessert. i think there's jelly ace in the ref. ooooh. i hope it's lychee-flavored. i kinda miss eating lychees.

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faster and faster a heart seemed to spin
faced with tomorrow, with whom should he lean?

o-kay. i guess i'll shut up for now.

Blank

Mood: i draw a complete blank.
Currently listening to: signal fire by snow patrol.

i don't keep track of the time and dates, so i guess it's safe to say that i just keep on forgetting to update, even though a lot has happened lately.

so aun. prelim week is over, thank God. i guess i can't say i aced a lot of tests. if i had to pick the hardest, it would be a tie between socio-anthro and of course, math. the easiest turned out to be quite a surprise; english and NEUROANATOMY. i was sorta expecting the latter to be hard as hell.

but let's not get into that. i'm sick of the prelims at the moment.

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i've always liked snow patrol. they're the kind of bad that would make you want to bolt up in the middle of the night and just... write. i dunno if it's the melody, or the lyrics in action. it just ticks me on, y'know. i can't place a finger in it.

so there's this video of theirs that has been rotating in my mind all day, and i'm sure it'll turn into an idea. for what, i still have no clue. it's signal fire, by duh, snow patrol. it was part of the spiderman 3 movie and has been in the net for about a year now. BUT IT'S STILL SO AWESOME.

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and. i think my heart is beating faster again.

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There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close, 'cause I need you to guide me to safety.