Thoughts Incoherent

Mood: okay
Now Playing: straylight run, existentialism on prom night

A lot of things happened today, which is ironic in itself since we only had about an hour of actual lecture. Then again, maybe i must rephrase; when i say a lot of things happened today, i'm referring to the thoughts inside this convoluted head of mine - thoughts which i guess even i am not aware of until recently.

I guess today, one of the most pressing issues in the backburner came to life again - how quickly the world changes for each and every one of us. One moment, you could be living in a dream amongst the clouds, with the flowers and shit. The next, you could be walking along the lines of i dunno, deep shit.

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Somebody told me I've been an asshole lately, i guess. But let me offer this defense; it is always not without proper reason, not without proper meaning. There's always a meaning. Sometimes you tell it to your pillow, or your closet or maybe you just choose to just tell it to the tiny little voice inside your head that you know would always be there. Because let's face it; you can't tell other people everything, can you? There's always this line that separates what you could say and what you couldn't say.

And to the things that you just couldn't say, you have to take it by yourself. This is not an act of chivalry or stoicism or anything even remotely chauvinistically related. This is simply how things must be done. There are just some things that one has to confront by himself, without asking for the help of others. Yeah, the world sucks that way, but you have to suck it up yourself.

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I think i want to make a movie. Just the homemade kind, but a movie nonetheless.

I think i should write more.

Blinding, Walking

Mood: good
Now Playing: ocean avenue, yellowcard

So i'm slated to go for this autism walk a few hours from now, and dunno. It feels like Christmas. Y'know that awful yet warm feeling you get when you feel that what you're doing is going to help someone. Sheesh. I feel like curling up to die in my own vat of cheesiness. Srsly.

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Anyway i'm posting here to remind the future me of a few things. Today, i was at this fx, right? Nothing unusual with me at the back sitting quietly. Then suddenly, this barker helps out from another fx a bald, chubby man with a yellow shirt. Nothing strange with that, still, eh? But the thing is, the next moment, this bald and chubby man reaches inside his bag and pulls out a collapsible cane. Y'know, the one that collapses into a a smaller version of itself.

Now the barker helps into the vehicle the bald and chubby man into the middle set of seats. Immediately, the atmosphere changed around the fx. I could feel the other passengers exchanging looks with each other, like saying is this for real? And i think the question that was on a lot of people's minds was that how will he ever get off or how will he pay his fare and stuff.

... i think i've said it before. Human processes amaze me, and this moment didn't fail me in the slightest. He'd text and call someone using keypads with sound. He'd place the phone directly in his ear and keep on pressing and pressing until he's found what he was looking for. He'd rummage in his bag, and you could clearly see that he keeps his money in separate packets, so that he knows exactly how much he has to pay. Frankly, it's amazing. I've never seen him around before, but from the eavesdropping in his phone conversation, it seems he's from somewhere up north and he works as a therapist. Y'know, like a manghihilot or something.

Yeah. You never know when you'll get inspiration from, do we?

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About the autism walk, wala lang. I've felt a lot closer to that little thing i call a conscience inside of me, and i feel like i've tugged my heartstrings for a long long time already. Nuff said.

Memories

Mood: creepy Now Playing: panama, van halen

Tangibility is overrated.