OHAI!

Mood: meh. Now Playing:i remember you, the ataris

watched new moon yesterday. it was.. pretty bad. *runsforcover* no, srsly. probably the only redeeming thing about it is the cool soundtrack they kept on playing. and oh, some of the shots were amazing, as were the fight scenes between wolves and vampires.

but the thing is, you don't go to a movie, order a ticket for a chick flick and watch it for the camera shots, the fight scenes or the soundtrack. w-well, at least i don't. personally, i'd rather focus on the lines and the way the actors feel with each other. sad to say, but the lines delivered were pretty cliche. "you are my everything". "i can't live without you". "please stay. im begging you"

any self-respecting teenage kid could've sued the movie for plagiarizing his life. okay, i kid. haha. i don't know if it worked with other people, (if it did, then you are of higher caliber than i, dear reader ) but as for me.. well.

best part: spoiler! the one wherein jacob leans over the windows of alice's car and delivers these lines to a weirdo bella:

Jacob Black: Please stay here. For Charlie. For me.
Bella Swan: I have to go.
Jacob Black: I'm begging you. Please.
Bella Swan: Goodbye, Jacob.

this was pretty fucking awesome, and had the potential to hit home in all of the right places. cooly.

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I've talked with Rb about some things. and.. i guess i've found a way. or more likely, i've found a concept i can actually hold on to. now the only thing left is to stick with it and try to at least be sane enough to live it through the end. there are no "buts". there are no "ors" there's only me, and a whole lot of other shit that i guess could either make or break a man. and it's frightening, sure. but i believe the rewards are well worth it (which i of course wont go into details here) im remindd of Dr. Kelsos's line in one episode of scrubs. in a sort of sudden burst of insight, he tells an obese patient and Dr Turk, both with fear and insecurity problems, that anything that's not difficult isn't worth fighting for. i dunno. it just gets to me like bam! and boom! y'know.

... or something like that.

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on the other side of things, everything is pretty peaceful. i don't know wth happened this night, but i feel sort of ready. and it's a good thing, isn't it? i hope you're feeling good too. *smiles*

i feel like mary freaking poppins. by the way, this picture below is pretty awesome. kekekeke~

Hantungan

Mood: nagaantay
Now Playing: akap, imago

nitong nakaraang lingoo, ay madaming taong nagtatanong sa akin kung ayos lang ba ako o ano. hindi ko alam kung bakit - ang huling pagkakaalam ko ay kayang kaya kong tumawa sa harap ng kahit sino, at kaya kong ikimkim ang mga dapat na kinikimkim. kaya hindi ko lubos maunawaan kung paano ako kayang basahin ng mga tao ng ganun-ganun lang. kahinaan? hindi siguro.

matagal ko ng sinasabi sa maraming tao na hindi na ako lilingon sa nakaraan. kung lilingon man, iyon ay para pumulot ng aral at kung anu-ano pa. hindi para umalala ng mga bagay na wala naman talagang sagot dahil una sa lahat, wala naman talagang dapat itanong pa - naikwento na ang mga daat ikwento at lumabas na ang mga dapat lumabas. kung meron pa mang natitira, iyon na siguro ang takot at pangamba na maglakad ulit sa direksyon na tinalikuran. tinatalikuran.

kanya-kanyang pag aangkop na sa sitwasyon yun. kanya kanyang pagkukubli o pagtago o minsan, pagtakas. ako? sawang-sawa na ako maglaro ng tagu-taguan o takbuhan. bahala na si Bathala.

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wala. na akong dapat maramdaman kung hindi wala. unang una, dahil tapos na ang lahat.

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pangalawa, dahil iba na ang buhay ko. namin. niya. sila. at masaya ako para sa lahat. siryoso.
minsan, sa isang sulok ng daan, namamatay ang ilaw, napupundi, nawawala. nilulunod tayo sa kadiliman ng ating anim na pangdama, at inaangat natin ang ating mga kamay para lang may makapitan. ngunit sa ngayon, sa gitna ng sumasayaw na ilaw sa aking sulok ng daan, alam kong walang dahilan para mangamba, dahil alam kong sa gitna ng lahat, ikaw ang aking kasama.

sana lang makita na kita kaagad.
at higit sa lahat, pangatlo: dahil baka ito na ang inaantay ko.

oo, tanga. sana naintindihan mo.

Feeling Springy

Mood: springy. what the hell is springy.
Now Playing: butch walker, mixtape

One of the weirdest things ever is a great Monday. no srsly. it kind of freaks me out since mondays are usually.. y'know. pieces of shit wrapped with shit coating. but so far the week has been forgiving, and it makes me wonder what the hell i did to receive such a blessed turn of events. cause whatever it is, i'd like to go out of my way to do it again, just to experience this.. this.. springy feeling again. i probably won't go into details here - yeah yeah yeah - it's just too... too.. lakjdklajd that i don't want to jinx it or anything. suffice it is to say that maybe all you need in life is a quick remedy, and that remedy can come from a lot of unexpected places.

what the hell am i talking about, i wonder sometimes.

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crashed on my bed as soon as i got home at around 9 in the evening. woke up five hours later with a splitting headache, so i sprinted downstairs and grabbed something to drink. it's a little bit funny, cause i only need five hours of sleep to function properly, but everyone knows how sleepy i get whenever.

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best quote i've read this morning: I'm a Christian. It's not a religion, its a lifestyle.

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found this cute vid on the net.



im betting this will land on my morning playlist. it's so damn sunshiny and so sunday morning, it makes me want to vomit sunshine at everybody.though then again, lyrics-wise, they sound a little... hngh. lasjdlaskj.

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it's 4 in the morning and i need to get ready for laskjdaks school soon.
we speak as if everybody is listening.

right?

Let us be entertained

Mood: shitty. but then again, what's fucking new?
Now Playing: don't say goodbye, say goodnight

... with the almost tangible scent of anxiety.

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So tomorrow's the start of the second semester, and i'm nervous as hell. i have no freaking idea why; i've gone through about a hundred first days, but it always gets to me, y'know. like some freaking santa claus, nervousness is sure to drop down the chimney that is my head and deliver a hot steaming dump on my brain. no shit.

the thing about starting a new is that you can't really control.. well, everything. anything can go wrong - it could rain at the most inopportune time, your fly could get stuck on something awful, or you could accidentally trod on your professors' bad side. a lot of things can go wrong. such is life; unfair and bitchy.

and when shit happenes, you could only clasp your hands together and pray for a goddamn miracle.
or if that's too out of the ordinary for you, you could try going for the low tech version of a miracle and ask for that instead - a pack of glorious friends to help you through the day.

ps. sorry for the sentimental overtones. i've just gone from an afternoon stroll and a marathon of scrubs, so here i am, trying to nail down my JD type monologue.

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one of the few things you could count on if you have an eye disease is that you could totally count on people to play up the sympathetic card when conversing with your truly. maybe that's how i escaped a ton of bullying or what not during my previous, gullible and innocent years; i was just too out there to be poked at.

don't get me wrong, it sucks and all that to have this motheraaslkdjas eye, espescially when people do this thing when they whirl around and see if they're actually the one im fucking talking to. i mean, what the hell man? can anyone be so tactless as to actually do taht shit? but of course, i don't let it get through to me. why? cause im manly like that.

so anyway, the sympathy card. it's when people play up nice and warm and cuddly with you, or treat you nice and sweet cause you're like this fragile piece of glass that could break of at any moment. sorry to burst your bubbles, folks, but it turns out that im actually aware of how your stinking mind really works. please, i could just eat off your face with all taht sugar-coated syrupy - not to mention the most important part - fake sympathies. call me paranoid, but you can't actually fault me for saying this. im as perfectly capable of fending for myself, thank you very much, and frankly, it just sucks to know that im being pitied upon.

maybe i'm just getting paranoid, a little world-weary, a little jaded and frayed around the edges. but as long as idiots like that lkasjdlkajd live, i sure as hell won't let my guard down. better be a weird paranoid piece of scum than be a doormat.

it just sucks to be the downside of everything, y'know?

-transferred post from a brother blog, sometime ago.
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last night, as we exited from another tambay episode at nichola's, the southbound people found a pretty fucking shit with shit filling waiting on the banks of the post office. now any self-respecting southbound guy would instantly recognize what the post office is for - it is where the line for an FX to carry us home is.

and lo and behold! the line stretched out to infinity and even more. i checked my fucking watch: a little before 7 pm. LRT was clogged as shit, and the malls nearby were a fucking black hole: it kept sucking in every single person in the vicinity. people kept flocking to the malls, no doubt with the plan to waste a few hours in an unholy building of mankind until the trafiic became manageable again. thus, the mall swelled to an almost comical size, it was funny as shit.

"what the fucking hell is fucking happening?!" raged my inner angel. the line was so fucking long, longcat could've gone and made a mrs. longcat out of it. sensning futility, i dragged my ass to the mall and went people-watching.

i made it home at around the same time the crows started jamming. okay, i kid. around 10-ish or something. what the hell happened in between i don't know and i don't fucking remember.

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there's still hope. a fool's hope, but i cling to it, like a wolf to his sheep.

Innocence?

Mood: hohum
Now Playing: kimi no shiranai monogatari

So i've downloaded this 1994 movie, Leon: The Professional, and i was screaming expletives from the moment i saw Natalie Portman stepping into the shoes of Mathilda - sort of a child waif brimming with a thirst for revenge.

In a nutshell, the story goes off like this: Professional assassin Leon reluctantly takes care of 12-year-old Mathilda, a neighbor whose parents are killed, and teaches her his trade. If that wasn't compelling enough for you to scrounge the internet or your favorite quiapo establishment or your favorite - haha, what the hell - video store, well, this conversation floored me:

Mathilda: Leon, I think I'm kinda falling in love with you.
[Leon chokes on his milk]
Mathilda: It's the first time for me, you know?
Léon: [wiping himself off] How do you know it's love if you've never been in love before?
Mathilda: 'Cause I feel it.
Léon: Where?
Mathilda: [stroking her stomach] In my stomach. It's all warm. I always had a knot there and now... it's gone.
Léon: Mathilda, I'm glad you don't have a stomach ache any more. I don't think it means anything.

ohgahd. and Leon's fucking line as he lowers Mathilda down the shaft got to me, too.

Léon: You're not going to lose me. You've given me a taste for life. I wanna be happy. Sleep in a bed, have roots. And you'll never be alone again, Mathilda. Please, go now, baby, go. Calm down, go now, go.

Pretty fucking amazing, if you ask me. Probably what makes it that way is how much a kid could have such an effect on a full grown assasin, who drinks MILK and watches movies in his free time. It's astonishing, really, when you see how Leon grows in the movie, little by little.

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I'm reminded of a time when i was young, and my parents would go out to the Alabang Town Center. Since we live in Paranaque, it was a good and long trip on the van dad made with his own fucking hands. And yes, you read that right.

So anyway, ATC. For a twelve year old kid, being in a mall other than SM (and with a glorious fountain to boot, waao) blew my mind away. I remember stumbling into a powerbooks and grabbing a copy of.. damnit, i forgot the title. It was either a dan brown or a gardner, don't know which is which, so.. asjdakdjals. The lady at the counter bagged the book for me, and it was all so delicious and warm and smelled like coffee on an amazing morning. The brown paper bag was deliciosly very crisp and very fresh and very very smooth - you could feel it over and over and it would still the same way each and every time you did so. And i remember imagining, as i stepped outside, that i was in one of the cafes overlooking the fountain at the center, with the book and it's deliciously brown bag lying on the table. I remember sipping from a mug as i looked down the other passers-by, as the sound of shoppers and the morning scenery assaulted my senses.

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There was also this one time, when i was still in elementary (and therefore could still stomach my now irrational fear of going out of the house), and was inspired, by some cosmic turn of events, to take a walk down the neighborhood one afternoon. * obligatory WHY SO CONYOOO~?! line here*

Nothing out of the ordinary happened, though the winds were spectacularly strong that day, and the leaves were doing this kind of slow dance with it. The neighborhood was as peaceful as ever, as kids my age seemed like they had outgrown going out and i was left with the ones that were years younger, the ones that still wore their school sando and shorts in their haste to go out and play.

I went home just as the day's dinner, chicken adobo, was being scooped into bowls. Rice was lumped in together with the leftover chicken oil, spices and whatnot in the pan to make adobong fried rice. A feast.
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Oh yeah, i've watched All About Steve yesterday in *snickers* tagaytay, and it was great. The movie itself reeked of chick flick-ness, but the lines they delivered were pretty cool and had sense and meaning and logic and had potential sentimentality. Cute movie, if i must say. The fact that she *spoilerspoiler* made a crossword puzzle all about steve (questions included were 1) what's steve's eye color; 2) what does steve's lips taste like) on the local newspaper was equally hilarious and uh.. t-touching? aghhk. xD

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Yellowcard's on the playlist, and now i want to check out some of my old stuff.

Rocket Science

Mood: okay.
Now Playing: evermore, light surrounding you

What i've been doing lately:

1. cleaning teh hive room - and the memories in it.
so aun. this has gotta be one of my simple pleasures in life. in all honesty, cleaning the whole damn thing - bed, drawers, csbinet and mirror area - could've taken a mere five hours to properly organize brush away the dust. five simple damn hours. but it took me a day and a half to finish all of it - i just kept doubling back and checking how the heck did i got this motherkdjaskj score, or how the hell did i ended up with someone and something amazing back then. it's strange, really. the thing is, packrat or not, you almost always end up treasuring the things that don't really matter - like a scrapbook or a notebook for instance. you can't choose what to treasure, what to appreciate, what to stick in that memory bank of yours, nope.

you just do.

2. sleeping late.
or the polar opposite, sleeping all day. this happened more than once this sembreak, so i guess my circadian rhythm is pretty messed up right now. as such, i eat my breakfast at 3 in the afternoon and my dinner at somewhere between 9 or 12. ohno, where the heck did lunch go? lsjdakl.

3. traditionz.
y'see, every year, we gather up the usual crowd in the highschool tropa and meet up in a 7-11 to walk the rest of the way to the manila memorial cemetery, where we pay our respects for the deceased and the steadfastness of the living. then at around midnight, we crash at a friend's place and spend the rest of the night/day doing nothing but catch up and watch them movies and drink. and i guess it's strange, in an ohgahd-what-the-hell-am-i-doing kind of way, but it works, you know.

lol. we've been doing this for so long that i don't remember what the tradition exactly IS. is it the annual sleepover, or the long walk to and around the cemetery or is it the marathon of movies that fuck your shit up?

4. writing
yes, writing. call me a fucking noteworm or something, but first let me clarify that what i've been doing is pure shit. no kidding. it still reeks of my highschool emo days, the days wherein i could spend a whole freaking day staring at the ceiling with only music to consume and letters to burn. i mean, how low have i gone to only churn out recycled material from - gahd, i'll get stoned to death for this - love stories. what the fuck is fucking wrong with me, aargg.

don't get the wrong idea here; i love writing love stories as much as i like reading them. but i think that the market is too saturated of love stories nowadays that they treat it as something trivial, something that you could grasp and understand just by reading the lines of a book. well, yeah, i admit that as a writer, it IS one of the fundamental reasons one can have for writing a book: to give information and shit.

but to go as far as actually use as mere binded words on paper for something so immense and inexplicable such as love... i dunno about that.

5. the pressure of passing
yessur. i passed all of my subjects this sem. but the thing is, i'm not feeling any sense of accomplishment. give me a break. it just means that im able to face the incoming semester with more subjects and shit, and along with this thought comes the fact that i must pull my grades higher so that i could score a pretty decent job in this hellhole we call life. and if i go deeper down this thought, i'll think of what the hell would i be doing in five years time and the fucking, undoubtedly hard decisions i have to face during those years.

sigh.

6. on the pink side of things
talktothewalls still remains as one of my favorite youtube artists, as she churns out good originals now and then. save for this freakishly redundant line "Lately i've been thinking / Of this feeling / That i've been feeling" her newest original, this could be an experiment, or more... is pretty fucking amazing. vid here.

incidentally, my favorite line comes next out of the freakishly redundant line i wrote earlier. "Its hard to understand what i'm feeling / Is this true or am i overreacting baby?" and of course, the ending lines leave no room for disappointment with "We could make this work / We may not be rocket scientists / But we could experiment" fuck yea. it's as if she's reading a book entitled "ding's life" and writing songs about it.

yeah, right.

7.my family is fo sucking stupid
that they actually painted my fucking cabinet. if you know me personally, you may have realized that i am an overly jolly person, so much so that i have deathwishes, emotional sentiments and messsags from friends written on my cabinet. and it's been GREAT. i loved that cabinet that if it suddenly turned into cute girl overnight, i would be very happy.

so imagine how pissed off i was to come home one evening, very late, very hungry and very tired, and see how fucked up my cabinet was - they had painted all over my eathwishes, emotional sentiments and messsags from friends. holy shit squared.

so i stormed into the culprit's room, my aunt, and blasted her with "tita, wag nyu na lang pinturahan ung cabinet ko, thanks"

fuck. i should have mauled her head open.

8. paranormal activity is the shit
the theater ending, that is. and that's only if you can stand about 30 minutes of non-action and what not.