Mood: feeelings.
Now Playing: hoppipolla, sigur ros.
This will be a post about my brother. When you were born into this world, i was probably around grade school back then. You were loud, obnoxious and generally a spoiled sonofabitch. There are many theories; my favorite is the one where you were cradles so hard your head was hitting the wall already. That should have shook so many neurons out of your system.
Anyway, we enter into your childhood. You watched tv than what i should have thought was necessary. Your icons were not sesame street o batibot, but rather beyblades, crush gear, and all of the anime that the local networks thought were interesting. You spent your mornings building not Legos or K'nex as your sister and i did, but you played with toys that had guns and sometimes had actual shooting mechanisms. There was a time when the house was full of pellets and shit it was difficult to walk around without embedding one in your feet. You were raised in a house of cynics; i was just hitting high school and your sister was just trying to last through college. Needless to say, we both felt like we were masters of our world then, and we were tired and jaded already.
But you came along to fuck things up a bit. Suddenly i had this little kid who used to tag along everywhere. I think most of the reasons why you chose my school in the first place was because you thought we'd be in the same class together. I was in third year, and your section was just right below ours. You visited me sometime during lunch, as you disliked having to carry your own baon, and Nanay would have to go and deliver it to you.
You didn't fit in, kid. The classes were too long and too hard, you said. The doctors advised a more quiet environment for you, somewhere where they didn't have 40 students in one single section. So, after just one year at my school, you switched schools to a more closer one to home. The students there were only about half of what you were used to.
Now, as of the present writing, you've chosen to enroll in your old school back then. Even the teachers were surprised. I could tell they weren't used to getting students for high school education.
Now, you lock the doors and hang out with kids who are on their way to delinquentville. You spend your spare time locked up in your room playing your console games and you've learned how to call those soldiers on screen motherfuckers, cunts, and other language even i am shocked of. You ask for things from mother daily, and you throw these tantrums when everything goes to shit in your plan. You're listening to shit music, and i know i've got no right to judge your taste in music, but can you just pick a song that doesn't cuss at people, or glorify stupid stuff? You've even been doing things that are just plain wrong, even for you. I know you're better than this. You rarely help out at the house much, or even none at all. Even when we're blatantly trying to trigger your Christian guilt to just freaking care, y'know? About us, your family. Because you don't seem like you care at all. I know it might just be a phase, but please can you just give us a sign that you're okay. Stop fucking hiding in your room. We might drive you crazy, i know that from experience. Hell, They also drove me crazy when i was at your age. But you know what brought me back from the darkness every single time? It was the same people i was trying to turn away from. That's just the thing. You have to stay sane, and get past all of these shit. It fucks you up, but nobody gets through life a virgin. Life fucks everything up. (Cobain)
And even though i said all that shit about you i still fucking love you, you know? Cuase you're my freaking brother, and you're the only one i've got. I know you have problems focusing and shit. And maybe the time will come when you'll need all those pills they have to make you focus more. And even though you have about 6 years of high school education ahead of you, and most likely your siblings will be the on to pay you through all of your future expenses, God. I just fucking want you to know that you'll never be completely alone you stupid, fucked up, shit faced bastard. Even when everyone else fucking leaves you, we never will.
