How To O(gre)rg an Org Fair and Other Musings

Mood:(s)paced out
Now Playing: imago, sundo

done over a span of a week and a half. yeah, i know. late post is late, but what the hell.

i

So this year's theme was countries or something, and CSJ got the Germany ticket. I only know three things German: Kuya Rudy, beer and the Berlin Wall. And of course, let's not forget Hitler, so that puts my German list up to four. Still not a reasonable amount, i know right, but hey, whatever sticks, right?

This whole org affair lasted from Monday to Wednesday, and in that amount of time, we're supposed to reel in fresh and talented writers from the throng of unknown faces. It's a hard task, since i have reason to believe that writers are naturally timid people who speak with their pen and keyboard, not with their mouths. OR they're the complete opposite and be like this whizzing balls of energy ricocheting everywhere. Anyway, bottom line is, there's practically no middle ground, and it's hard to get them to join our happy org wagon.

There are a lot of things i'm just not meant to do, and i guess this is one of them. To reel in freshmen, I was standing here one moment and then off in a hurry the next. The heat was getting to me and there were an incredibly huge amount of people (who were not freshies) shouting and screaming "JOIN OUR ORG! JOIN OUR ORG!" so freaking hysterically that it was just plain fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry and i know it's just probably me and another streak of weirdness, but we're freaking sophies and juniors and senior students of the college of science, dude. Not some flea-bitten, fish-flipping shipdip on the market on a hot Sunday afternoon. It was just somewhat overboard, and frankly, it didn't help to add to the noise and the heat.

And let me tell you one thing; it just plain fucking sucked to be ignored. No one likes to be ignored, espescially when all you have to do is just smile and say "no thanks". Heck, I'll probably smile at you back (and curse you under my breath, but that's just me). I mean, what the hell did i do? I was just fucking trying to ask if you'd like a magazine. And i'm fucking smiling and people should know it's hard for me to smile and it's bad for my health to smile for a long time and then huh? Dedma langs? Nyay, sorry. Importante ka pala.

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I

I sort of had an epiphany this morning, as i rolled over and over in my bed. The thing is, we're all human beings by default, but it takes a lot more than just existing to become a person.

I remember spewing back in highschool that we're lucky to even exist. Like how compared to a rock, we're infinitely much better because we have the seat of emotions and logic on our side and we're capable of being aware of ourselves and our existence. Not unlike a rock, of course which will never feel a thing if we crack one open.

Now i revise; we're lucky to be existing, but we have the capability to be luckier than that. We can become someone. It takes a lot of courage to seek what we really want to be, and even more of it to take a hold of it for yourself. But once taken by the hem, it's ridiculously rewarding. I've seen this happen to a lot of friends and people in my life, but it never fails to amaze me. There's this guy who knows what he wants after college, and he is currently doing everything he can to reach it. There's this friend who knows that she wants to write, so she joins in this awesome programs and contests and seminars, and what-have-you. And still, there's another who believes in what he wants to be (although circumstance and other people's opinions say otherwise),and strives to achieve it. It's amazing, what more can i say? I want that. I want to realize what i really want to be. I tell people that i want to be a professor and a dad, but i'm not really sure if i want all that, y'know? I'm never sure about things, but i was hoping that in this question, in this manner, i would be sure about it.

Yeah, i know i suck. I just realized all of this a few hours ago. So now i think the more important question is: what the hell must we do to find this reason?

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ii

So yesterday i watched one of my friends in a judo practice session, and i was like "whoa" the whole time. And it was the good kind of "whoa", the kind that you do when your friend flips this large guy that's easily taller than him.

In a way, it was like watching a cockfight. We were behind this screen or something, looking at these bunch of people (both men and ladies) flip each other over. We walked off somewhere for a while, and when we come back, we see all of them doing these cool-down excercises that looked like, well, not cool-down excercises. They looked more like warm-ups to me, but i guess that's only because i know nothing of the art.

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iii

I met a lot of people this week, and it's pretty cool. I don't get to meet people that often, because apparently, a lot of them find me.. too weird. loljk, i dunno. I'm just not a people person; i think it's the dad side in me.

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II

So i got a message from someone this week, and it honestly GMH. I've been complaining about this for months now, about y'know, how we try so hard to find... things. And i think it's fair to say that to find things, we need to start moving ourselves, to grasp into that blanket of nothingness and trust that there will be indeed a hand waiting for ours on the other side of that nothingness. And i admit, it's a terrifying thought. But what can you do? Lost things need to be found, and who better to find your own lost things but, well, yourself?

I think i have something more to say regarding this subject, but again, im out of HP and MP, so.


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xx

Mahirap maglaro ng taguan. Lalo na't sa gabi tayo naglalaro. Bawat kaluskos, bawat tunog, bawat yapak ng paa, ang sa yo lamang ang inaabangan. At kahit na nakakatakot maghagilap sa kadilimang ito, hindi ako mangangamba o madadapa. Bakit? Dahil alam kong ikaw ang kasama ko.

sana lang makita na kita kaagad.

How To Find Things

Mood: Mosby'd.
Now Playing: none.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and i still have no answer. How does one find things? Is it by chance, or by some movement of fate, or by a logical series of mental steps? Anyway, i'm not in a typing mood right now, but i'll leave this post with this line i got from watchang HIMYM. And yeah, the season's over, but give me a break, it's hard finding reliable sources. xD So anyway, Ted's at his class teaching stuff but then it leads to some, i dunno, confidence meltdown when he starts to question if he's ready for this ultimate girl-next-door-fling-crush-whatever he has. Then he realizes that he's scared to well, be ready, and then bam, two hands shoot up from his class:

Luis: "We're all scared, professor mosby"
Betty: "Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?"

And it got me thinking; what if we become too scared to find the things that we're looking for? It's a perfectly logical thought. Why force yourself to do something you're afraid of, when in the first place, you don't know where to look, you don't know what you're supposed to find, or who the hell you're supposed to find. The world is huge place, and there are tons of hiding places and things to find out there. There's passion, there's dreams, there's friendship and of course, the thing that most people are probably thinking about as they read this: (or am i alone in thinking this? Oh come on, don't kid yourself) love.

And yeah, in case you were wondering, i also believe that whenever you're not looking for something, ka blam! you find it. It's highly annoying; it's never convenient, you waste time, effort and at some cases, money.

And by the way, i also share the last part of the line above:

Ted: "If you’re not scared, you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?”

Hmm. Maybe i'll continue this in another post. I think i still have some stuff to say, but i'm all out of MP and HP right now, so.

Some Thoughts

Mood: confused
Now Playing: we are the in crowd, we need a break

I guess i fucking need a break. Haha! I mean, if this is what summer vacations are going to be in the future, i'm not sure if i want summer vacations, after all. I've accomplished about only three of my summer-to-do-list, although i'm not sure if im too happy about it. I mean, i'm glad of course... but it's just so fucking confusing it's retarded. Hell, i'm retarded.

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Dear Everybody,

If you're scared and confused and you don't know a fucking thing is from another fucking thing just like me, i just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Everybody's not alone. And to think that we have about 6 billion or so people in this huge lump of rock, why should we be? But the thing is, the world is too big. It's too big that all 6 billion of us scamper around with our tails between our legs. And when we do meet and our paths intersect, we quickly dismiss our meeting as another mundane act of fate. Like it does not matter. Like it has no consequence or whatever.

The thing is, it does. Every meeting is an act of fate. Not to say that we can't change fate, we can. What im saying is we did not meet in a daze. We meet for a purpose. What we do with that purpose, with that reason, is entirely up to us.

Darwin said that we evolved. We're now this lumbering, hairless apes that are said to be on the top of the evolution ladder. We have the highest form of intelligence at our disposal. We have evolved.

I just hope we evolve into our next form a lot faster.
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I also want to speak fluently. Nope. I'm not a good speaker at all, even in informal situations. I stumble upon my words, i speak too fast, i get distracted by passing thoughts or interesting things and i never seem to have the right words at the right time. This sucking fucks.

There's a lot of things that i want to do right now, and one of them involves talking some deep stuff about somebody. Another involves skinning that person alive. Still another involves just.. i don't know. I know this is so fucking unclear and you probably hate me enough for being so vague already , but i just gotta say this.

I'm sorry for being a jerk. I really, really am.