Venting

Mood: fuckyourass
Now Playing: fuckyourface

i just came from what was possibly the worst day of my life - yes,even more so than the day i slipped and fell down stairs, sprained my goddamn ankle and practically threw into the can a logic quiz i should have passed with fucking flying colors - so it's not surprising if i say that ASHDJKLASHDASJKDHASJKDH I FEEL LIKE FUCK AND PORN AND SIN AND FUCK RIGHT NOW THAT I COULD LITERALLY PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING FACE AND FUCKING EAT YOUR FUCKING REMAINS. AND THE BEST FUCKING THING ABOUT IS - WAIT THE FUCK THERE IS NO BEST THING, IS THERE? AND I WISH I COULD RESOLVE THIS BEAUTIFULLY BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, DAMNIT? AND GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH ALL OF THIS MEANS TO ME BUT THE WAY YOU DO THINGS JUST MAKES IT ALL THE WORSE SO STOP BEING SO KIND AND LET ME MULL THIS OVER AND GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT CAUSE HEAVENS KNOWS I NEED THIS LQWEQWEDJHELPASDASKMELDPLEASEJAQWEWQSAVEKLWQEMEJDQWEQWBEFOREKQWELASQWEQWEWQQWEQWIJDKDOLASJDVIRGINIAKLASJDKLAJSKARGG

now don't take this personally, but i hate you for reading this. go away and leave this post alone, and forget that you ever read anything.

I Think You Should Read This

Mood: none
Now Playing: owl city rainbow veins

It was during my return trip to Paranaque, the evening of July 16, 2009, that the streets were completely flooded. Public transport vehicles were stuck and were forced to make a u-turn. Sadly though, the u-turn was miles away from home. Faced with the idea of spending more time in the rain, my friend and I clambered out of the FX and made our steady way home. We finally reached a mall - also completely flooded, what the hell is up with the drainage - and sought refuge for a moment or so.

The next minute, this pink, government-owned bus comes rolling in and offered us measly sheep - i mean commuters - free rides. We made our way inside(and so did a thousand others) and i found myself seated at the very last seats at the back, smack at the aisle. The next second later, i found my face squashed with the backpack of man in front of me, as he kept backing down the aisle into my face. Blast you, backpack man! Break my glasses and there will be bloodshed, i promise.

So anyway, there were two ladies to my immediate left, followed by my friend. To my right, there were these salesmen, i guess, from the shoe department at SM. The guys were yelling at the people still stuck outside in the flood "babaay~ next trip na lang kayo!" in the same jeering voice we use to bullshit our politicians. I was at a loss for words. I mean, we're practically the same, aren't we? Just the same wet, tired, sticky humans. Why go so far as to make fun of other people?

Apparently, the two women to my left thought the same. I later learned that they were both strangers, and both had come from a busy day. "Ah, taga UST ka pala. It's nice to be young" said the one nearest me. "nag aral ako sa FEU dati, kaya alam ko kung paano lumusong sa baha, haha. Masarap ang buhay studyante, masarp. May baon ka. May uuwian. Mamimiss mo rin yan kapag nagtrabaho ka na. Mahirap mag trabaho, mahirap. Madaming babayaran. Pero kailangan, diba? Hindi naman pwedeng hindi ka magtrabaho." She finished, her gaze someplace else.

And maybe it was the light from the bus that casted deep shadows on her face, but at that moment, i saw a person jaded but still determined, to make it out alive. She wore no make-up, nor did she look particularly dazzling. There was even this tired expression painted upon her face. But there was no trace of malice or anger or whatnot there, even though i was sure she was just like the rest of us in that bus - tired, wet, and hungry. All that there was was her determination to the things she could do. I admire that. I mean, how could we believe in the world, when we do not even believe in our own neighbors?

In retrospect, i should have said more things. I should have told her that i was losing my faith in humanity, that i was losing what made me human. Maybe she would have told me a lot of things in return, things that i would use to cheer me out of this dump. Maybe she would have told me how to believe again, to trust in things that are outside one's power. I mean, here was a twenty something woman with a job that seemed to believe in things that i, as a student and a youth, had trouble even considering.

Feeling uncomfortable, i slightly shifted the conversation to more everyday things, like what her work was and such. But inevitably, my thoughts would wander again to what she said. Even as i exited the bus and looked back at them seated at the back, i wonder if the wave i gave them would speak the words i longed to say.

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For now, i'll believe in this conversation, and draw hope and trust from it. I mean, if people can bond together and initiate conversations with utter strangers in the midst of a crisis, then i must assume that people can also bond together, even if the presence of a crisis is zero.

I must.

There. I'm feeling brave already. Wondrous, the human mind really is.

PS.
There are also some things which are bothering me so damn much but as of the moment, i won't be elaborating here. Maybe ill write on the doors again. This sucks.

This Day

Mood: inspired.
Now Playing: owl city, west coast friendship

It was one of those days when the first sound you hear is the sound of pouring rain. In my case, i woke up at the sala, my glasses askew and the litter of last night's attempt at pulling an all-nighter for studying at my feet.

Twas Ray's 18th today, and we were to meet up at a Yellowcab near the university. So, i mixed up two playlists and came up with two cds labeled 'In Atlantis' and 'In the City'. Yeah, i know, my naming skillz suck. But it looked cool nonetheless.from a far far far away glance. Pwhaha.

So anyway, as i left the subdivision at 10 in the morning, there was this big shit of a traffic jam outside. I told myself, what the heck lagi namang traffic eh. oks lang yan.

Akala ko naman, saglit nga lang. So naive.



Yep. All of these happened in the morning. My pants were already wet at the hem and the bastard next to me kept spraying me with spit. at least, i thought it was spit asljdlasjda. So a little bit after the public high, the water was too deep to continue on normal vehicles only. Jeeps and FXs and taxis that stubbornly pushed on only got stuck at the middle of the road.

after a few minutes of aimlessly wandering around the murk waters, this big truck comes rolling in like Lito Lapid.



Hello, Construction Truck. Nevermind as to why nilagyan nila ng seats, i dunno. So anyway, i rode this thing like a boat to get across The Flood. It's unnerving, as everybody was so squished against each other, i can consider myself a rape victim. I mean, there was this stupid bitch that kept pushing her tits on me like shit, even if we were not moving AT ALL. What the hell is up with that?

After passing us safe and dry through the flood (which lasted roughly for about 30 minutes), we were dropped off at someplace dry, where there were already public transpo vehicles. I grabbed an FX and sped off to Manila, where it was effing DRY.

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Ray's debut was amazing. She bought this two huge pizzas and a pasta box for everyone. In retrospect, each pasta box was good for two persons, so we were super super super stuffed. We stayed there for a good part of the afternoon, talking the afternoon away. We gave her a huge bouquet of roses and a bottle of enervon. Yes, i know. And yeah, the two mix cds i gave her. Sooooo, Ray if you're reading this, please know that you're amazing, and we know that you're gonna stay that way forever. Salamat sa lahat. xP Pwahaha. So aun. Happy happy birthday! :D



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Afterwards, Nico, Shan and I decided to go for a round of L4D before going home. A round which lasted for... one and a half hours. :)) pwahahaha. Nico had to leave at around 5, but we decided to continue for a half an hour more. Si shan kasi eh. Napaka bad influence. xP Pwahahha xP

Anyway, when we exited the comp shop, the pavement was gone. It was replaced by murky waters. WHAT THE FUCK, we chorused. WHAT THE FUCK TALAGA.

Oh and Shan opened a bottle of water without paying for it. Tsktsktsk. So... eviiil. =))

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Going home was scary; i almost didn't flag an FX. I met up with Ona at around the post office, he was stuck there for about.. demnit, i forgot. Was it an hour? I dunno.

All of the FXs only went to about Multi, and that's miles away from home. Faced with an act of desperation we decided to walk all the way to SM Sucat, a good miles away from where we were, cause that's where my construction truck trip earlier this morning stopped. So we spent a good deal and a good job getting wetter by the minute. Umbrellas were useless; the wind kept blowing a good deal of rain on our faces. ARG. Haha.

When we finally got to SM to hitch a ride on the construction truck, it became clear that a thousand others thought the same thing. We looked just about the same, too, as we were drenched to the bone.

Then suddenly, this huge bus came rolling along with huge letters on it's side ANG BUS NI BERNABE. I dunno what that was, but i guess it's a program that offers free transportation. COOLY.



And so with that, i managed to get home, after a grueling 3 hour travel trip. aslkdjalsjd. Haha.

I realized a lot of things this day, and im gonna post it later. I dunno. I just feel like i've finally hit on something, and it's a feeling i hope i would not forget

PS. lol. i've just realized i've posted so many pics. lol.

My Neighbors

Mood: wtf
Now Playing: saltwater room, owl city.

Something is wrong with them, i swear. I woke up from a nap, fully refreshed. I rolled out of bed and started groping for my glasses when ka bam! The first notes of a ballroom song from the 80s hit me like shit. I scramble up and dart for the balcony to see where the source is coming from and bam. It's from the apartment TWO houses down the street. TWO FUCKING HOUSES. DOWN THE FUCKING STREET.

WHAT.
THE.
HELL.

5:06 EDIT.

Okay, so im supposed to confirm an interview with Joel Cruz from Aficionado. I called in earlier this afternoon, and they told me to call in at 5. lolwtfdunno. My voice is still effing croaky, i hope they understand me.

5:11
Okaaaaaaay. So i have to call on Monday, don't ask why. But on Monday, i have to leave home by 7, and my last class is chemlab, which is on 7 pm. Hot damn. This is why i don't like talking with people. We're just so.. vague. There's no other term for it. I should know; im probably one of the vaguest people around.

Monday, Fridays, and the Things that Happened in Between

Mood: okay okay.
Now Playing: finally found the time to listen to stella. good song. will reflect on it more later.

MONDAY
Stayed in bed the whole day. Thought i had the Flu so i made up a mental list of ways to die. Come to think of it, i also made a mental list of doughnut flavors i'd like to taste in a cinema. Sigh. The things people do when boredom strikes.

Drank too many liquids. I think im still sweating all the water i drank. Slept too much, too. I'm now having trouble falling asleep. It's amazing.

Also, twas the day my throat started effing hurting. HURTING. It hurts just to say a single word, and i cough like crazy everytime i breathe. Damn.

TUESDAY
I honestly cannot remem Had this quiz in educ psych. Didn't review much; i don't like how she teaches anyway. So aun. Im betting i got lower than low scores. But anyway, when class was finally over and people started flocking to the exits, Bren slams the teacher's table hard, an expression i guess of how the day is finally over and shit.

I slam the table with my educ psych book too, about to join in the process of cheering and complaining when the professor suddenly wheels around and sees me, up in the platform, an educ psych book in one hand, and the sound of two very loud noises in her ears. She calls me over and all i can think of goes like this:

Prof: So why did you bang your book on the table?
Me: My book was heavy mam, so i threw it on the table as i made my way across the platform. One cannot, after all, pass through the flock of people moving towards the door.
Prof: Are you angry?
Me: Mam?
Prof: Are you angry?
Me: N-no.. why should i be angry?
Prof: That's why im asking you.
Me: N-no... i wasn't angry.
Prof: Then why did you bang the table twice?
Me: adjaksljkdjasdjskd.

WEDNESDAY
Org fair today. Was supposed to be at the college at 8 in the morning to help set up everything. Arrived at half past... ten. Ohwellpapel. This year's org fair was with the theme of fiestas. CSJ picked Penafrancia (the one where the Virgin Mary walks on water, sorry i don't really know(yeah, i know im sinful)), so that's how we rolled.

Weird weather that day. The sun was effing hot, BUT it rained like shit. Saw Kevin Anne by the way. Paxter na pala siya, lol. Ndi ko alam. I am so efffing outdated.

Didn't catch the first day of the org fair. Had to go to a 1 pm class. Rest of the day passed in relative calm.

THURSDAY
2nd day of org fair. Was tasked to hold the fort from 8-10 in the morning. Arrived at 9-ish, i dunno the real time. Anyway, saw ate Eji at the booth already. Grabbed copies of the Mirage and tried to convince/bully/seduce(?!) freshmen into joining.

Which ended miserably. As i were in Monday, my voice was completely HOARSE. I couldn't utter a single sentence without grimacing in pain. I probably looked like the senior from hell.

FRIDAY
Studied for chemlab quiz. ARRG. Was also supposed to interview the Dean or the secretary or the buildings and ground committee, but i got up late, and as a result, was late for the third time for SCL class. Great. I opened the door, and there was this thick silence, i knew something was up. And there was; some shit about people not having (e.g. me) the proper handouts. Good thing the professor was very forgiving and gave us another chance.

We were dismissed earlier at chemlab today. Hung out at KFC after. I bought a Mcdo large fries, and wasted a lot of them; my effing throat just couldn't handle it, man. Around 7, we left KFC and sat at the new benches near the quad fountain.

Realized a lot of things this Friday. Probably the most important one taking the form of a warning i used to say to myself: blessed are the hearts that bend, for they will never be broken. blessed be also the minds that are on the lookout, for they will never be trampled upon.

Also, this draft i saved in my phone a few hours ago;

truth be told, i like riding an fx at night, mga around 8 or 9 pm. Not only because of the fact the streets are clean but also of the fact that intimacy can exist between strangers.

You have an idea how their bones feel; it probably aches just as much as yours do. But of course, your problems are your own, and it takes a little imagination to guess what theirs are.