Waiting, and the Things that Go With It

Mood: impatient
Currently listening to: vacancy, by kylee.(Damn it, she's 14?! Sure doesn't look like it.)

Fixed the aforementioned separator line(see previous post). Turns out, it matches the length of the sidebar. So, as a countermeasure, i've reduced the number of posts to just two per page.

And, ROFL @ countermeaure.

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People have been asking why the hell i changed the layout. I check my ym, may nagtatanong. I check my cp, may nagtatanong pa rin. Potek, kanina lang tinanong ako ng kapatid ko - "o kuya! bakit nag iba na?"

First of all, let me just use my SHOCK face. (distorts face) WTH, people. I mean, i've been claiming for a while now that i'll be changing the layout, haven't i? Can't believe how much a changed layout can alter things so much.

Second, no, i have not been on drugs, and i have not been the recipient of anything unpleasant lately. I also have not taken part in any dangerous activities that would cause me to hit my head.

Third, nothing happened. I'm not going through a troubled break-up, nor am i healing over a broken heart. Yeah, im confused. But that's unfair; i've always been confused.

I've just decided that i'll knock a little harder on heaven's door. Hwop! I'm not suicidal. I just think that death is like a shadow. And being under that shadow can mess you up.

But if you think about it, there's no way you can avoid dying. So all we've got left is to make use of the time we have. In reality, the real issue about leaving this world is not the death and the pain, but the life and the memories.

So aun. Before i leave, i'd best get started knocking on heaven's door - the door to life.

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I don't know why, but my whole collection of cowboy bebop albums just did a Houdini. WTF. One minute they were there in my music folders, the next kaboof. Technology is scary nowadays. What has science done?!

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For now, i guess i'll do my theo assignment and just bum around. YAWN. Will be posting later if anything good happens.

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I'm thinking of doing an anime review site. I distinctly remember a guy telling me that he regularly makes money out of being a mod. Hmmm. Not to mention the following you'll get when your blog's in the hots.

Will be thinking of it later.

For now, i just want to sleep.

The Things We've Been Dreading

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: none

So I've made a new layout. It's far from perfect(note the line separating the sidebar and the post body. ARGH, putol sa dulo takte), but i guess it will do.

Here's to the night, and to all of the souls that know the permanence of change and variety. Beer pa.
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Ang weird. Kasi late na akong nakauwi kagabi, naka lock na ang main gate. So aun, stuck ako sa labas hangga't walang makakapagbukas ng pintuan. Ilang beses ko nang inabuso ang doorbell, pero wala pa rin. ARGH.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas. Wala pa rin. Parang mantika ba naman kasi kung matulog. Pare parehas lang kami.

Pero aun. Kasi ang tagal nilang dumating, umupo na lang ako sa labas ng gate at ginamit ang kahuli hulihang piraso ng load para tumawag. Takte wala pa rin. Tumawag pa ulit ako.

Pagkatapos iwanang tumatawag ang cellphone, umupo ako ng mas maayos at huminga ng malalim.

Grabe pala ang lamig kapag mag aalas dose na ng umaga. Parang malamig na hindi. Pos wala pang tao. Nababalot ng liwanag ng lamp posts ang daanan. Dahil sa talagang tahimik naman ang lugar namin, mas tumahimik pa ito twing gabi.

Huming ako ng malalim. Inisip ang mga dapat isipin.

At, sa kasamaang palad, nakatulog. YEH.

Buti na lang dumating na si ermats nun. Kung ndi, shet.

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I wonder. What would be the feeling that governs dying people?

Pieces

Mood: weird
Currently listening to: shut up and explode, the boom boom satellites.

I've been thinking. I think it'd be great if i could shout in a baseball field. You know, like how they do it in movies. I'd open my mouth wide and explode, letting loose all the words that are tied to the base of existence.

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People tell me that i talk too fast. Once, i recorded my voice and played it after. It's surreal, hearing your voice on a recorder like that. And yeah, i guess I DO speak too fast.

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There's also a lot of stuff going on - it's fucking hard to keep up. I swear, if life was a marathon, i'd be huffing and puffing at the end.

Nah, i never liked marathons(probably because i've got no stamina, haha). In fact, i never liked competitions at all. Don't get me wrong, im not chickening out. It's just that it's so much better if people just relaxed, y'know? I never was much for speed. I never liked cars.

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My mom keeps a stock of Pantene shampoo around the house. Yeah, i don't get WHY either. I just opened a cabinet and boom! There was this pile of containers wrapped in a shabby looking duty free plastic. Guess what was inside.

So that's why i'm stuck using Pantene right now. It sucks. Pantene reminds me of everything that i've been vehemently rejecting.

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I'm going out for a bit. I'm guessing i have a lot of things to say when i come home.

Melancholy Morning (and it's not even Monday, damnit)

Mood: blank
Currently listening to: none

Remember that dream i had a little blog posts ago? About me riding in an fx and crashing into a effing huge post, and the truck that came careening down the steet, aimed at the fx?

Well. Nico says he dreamed the 1st part - about me riding the fx and me dying in it. Like whoa. The first time i heard that, i felt like i fell into a time space warp. Y'knoW. Like the ones they have with those Shaider shows.

Lately, i've been so obsessed with dying. I dunno. My thoughts wander to the "what if" scenario. I've imagined a lot of ways of dying(take note that i use the word "dying" and not "killing". Meaning, i'm no suicidal.)

It's just that everything's so.. gray right now. Sheesh.

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I am reminded by Shakespeare. Wait. Or was it Shakespeare? I distinctly remember the Willy Wonka (the old school one) say these words also. Ohwell.

I am reminded by Shakespeare. Or by Willy Wonka.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Today

Mood: soundtrack for our movie, MAE.
Currently listening to: angry.

I must first register my amazement at how different and how weird it is for people to constantly climb the social ladder. Sigh.

My english professor keeps on telling us to practice random acts of kindness. According to him, it yields immense feelings of peace and stability. Can't say i don't want that.

Then again, I can't say i'll be a saint overnight. But what the hell. There's no harm in trying.

Hey wait. There IS a harm in trying.

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By the way, the night creeps on real fast nowadays, eh? I mean, it's only a little after 5:30 here in my watch and it's already dark outside.

Speaking of the weather, today's was a little freaky; it was psychotically sunshiny this morning, but it ended with a slight drizzle this afternoon. Personally, i love dark and gloomy weather. I'm not a grouch, fuck you. I just think that dark and gloomy weather makes people shut up and think.

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I've also recently noticed that i've been using cuss words a lot lately. I'm sorry if ever offended you. It's just that it's better for people like me to cuss and swear than to do extreme acts of violence. Sorry if i ruined your day. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic.

Death and All His Friends

Mood: thoughtful.
Currently listening to: Still Tisbury Lane.


Click the image if it comes out inverted. Dunno how blogspot did the whole inverted colors thing.

I'm Feeling Better Already

Mood: worried.
Currently listening to: tisbury lane, MAE.

I skipped my 3-5 PE class today. Yawn. I'm just so sleepy nowadays. Frankly, i have no idea why. Maybe i'm coming down with something.

But i feel fine. I mean, I THINK I'm fine. I don't feel anything wrong with my body. I dunno. Crap. I just can't shake away the feeling that something is definitely wrong with the filament.

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The great part about being in college is that most of the classes are interesting enough. Please note that i say "most of the classes" rather "all of the classes". Some are just dreadfully boring. Some are effing action stuffed. And some are just plain, freaking weird.

Take this class i have for instance. I have a professor who claims that he sees the aura around people. My alarms immediately exploded into life at that moment. I remember lifting my head from my usual ready-to-sleep position and focusing my head to run over the words that just came out from his mouth.

Now i'm not dissing anybody here. It's just my opinion. If he can see an aura, fine. If he can sense that i'm still in disbelief, fine. If somebody has the gall to tell on me, fine. No, wait. Scratch that. Tell on me, and i will sincerely hope that you go to Hell. I kid not.

So aun. I guess i can believe him, if he arranged the words a bit. Y'know. If he said that he could sense the temperament of people by relying on hunches and gut feelings. That would be stellar, since I believe in hunches and gut feelings; i don't believe in seeing an aura around people.

Then again, what do i know? After seeing how black the sky looks lately, i might even believe that the president is a good person, and that my professor actually sees the aura within people.

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I quote from Brutus.

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

and i quote from Calvin and Hobbes.

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?

No, wait. Eto na lang. From Calvin and Hobbes pa rin.

There's more to this world than just people, you know.

And then i end my blogpost.

Daydream

Mood: melancholic. a bit jaded. a bit confused. I KNOW. It's the usual. No big.
Currently listening to: Mistakes we knew we were making, MAE.

I think i need a new muse. No, damn it. Not M-U-S-E, as in an escort's partner, but rather a muse like the Greeks had. I dunno. I just feel so worn out, it's not even funny. Crap.

Just this morning, i felt the vestiges of a reverie creeping into my consciousness. Usually, I'd love falling into one, but i fought back and tried to stick with the track playing in my head. Fuck it, focus. I began humming the intro to MAE's tisbury lane. "She greets the day with her wet..."

Futility. It's when you fight back against a daydream that you saw coming. I slide back into my FX seat and let the visions wash over me.

I guess the neat thing about daydreams is that they actually occur inside your head. If, by some supercalifragilisic force of nature, daydreams suddenly come true, then i swear, i wouldn't be here right now. I would be in a coffin, getting mourned upon.

Yep, i was daydreaming about fucking DYING, and i was ENJOYING it.

In my daydream, the fx driver suddenly turned manic and crashed the into a wall that was suddenly there. I was squished, like a pancake, between seats and my head hit something hard. Blinking the blood off my eyes, i saw a garbage truck careening toward us with a force so great, the truck driver looked like he was ready to shit his pants.

Which i'm sure he did, as the truck's full body mass hit out little FX. I imagined my eyes popping, due to the sheer force, out of my head. The bodies jostled everywhere, blood colored the seats red.

Then i snapped out of it.

And i enjoyed it. I enjoyed dreaming about my death. Fuck.

I think i'm sick. Good thing i took up psych, eh? ROFL.

Honey, Pass the Pills

Mood: anxious
Currently listening to: kindly unspoken, kate voegele.

I just want to sleep for a day.

Haha, i think i'll fall asleep in class again. Ohwellpapel.

The Bed Never Looked So Inviting

Mood: quirky.
Currently listening to: for the girl, the fratellis

i'm done reading the second book, and i'm halfway done with the third book.(im typing this entry with all the strength a kid with three hour's sleep can muster, by the way)

im talking about the twilight series, of course. i dunno. it just seems so... interesting - the way all of the characters flit in and out of everyone's lives... and how pathetic all of their actions are. Yes. i think i got that out clearly. It's pathetic.

And i find myself agreeing. I mean, when you're.. when you're.. argh. I can't say the L word. Fuck. Ahem.

When you're in the state of liking someone deeply, all of your actions are erroneous, possibly because of hormones that hot-wire your brain.

That came out better. Scientific terms rock.

So aun. Since all of your actions are at times faulty, it sort of makes sense that the characters in Twilight are all acting pathetically. But i'm not dissing them. It just means that they're... in the state of liking someone deeply.

On another note, i am so gonna watch the movie and watch as people's faces fall as they compare characters that they visualized as they read the book, with the characters that portray them in the big screen. I'm sure no actor or actress comes close to one's imagination.

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I'm going to school today; infopsych called a meeting. Can't say im excited. I just want to curl up with my laptop and read the pdf files.

and oh - rb, if you're reading this, i take back what i said about The Fratellis. They're good. And not just good. They're really gooooood.

Gap?

Mood: peaceful
Currently listening to: long ride, the audreys

today was the start of the second semester. i can't say im happy about it, but i think it's great to see some of the people i had fun with the last semester.(Or was it the people i suffered with? :)) haha xP )

on a side note, everything seems so peaceful - it's actually unnerving. is this what they call the calm before the storm? fuck it. i don't like that. ung tipong biglang hell kaagad. suntukan na lang kung ganun.

oh. met three of my professors. Fil102 didn't show up. (and so did the last sem's fil101 prof.. hmm. i sense a tradition in the making.) They seem okay. Ay oo. Baliw ung isa kong professor. Ewan ko kung sakit nya un o ano. Uber jittery. There's a lot of unnecessary actions involved in his movements.

But that's just first impression, of course. haha.

And i sincerely hope that i've seen the last of grammar classes. I dunno. Grammar just seems so pale and blah as compared to reading. haha xP shetness.

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i'm planning to change this blogskin after i've thought up a new layout and sought the motivation to do it. O-o haha, i've finally acquired a twilight pdf (thanks to fessa. If you're reading this, three cheers for you! ROFL. Biro lang ung tungkol sa libre kong cerealicious, dibaaaa? :D )

Which reminds me. Showing na nga pala ung movie some time this month(?). I'll be watching that. And if it bores the hell out of me, it means that i'm chucking my sanity(and a shiny pirated DVD OR, if im really reaaally rich, a movie ticket) down the trash.

Gap

Mood: sleepy
Currently listening to: spinning, jack's mannequin

there's a lot that i don't know and a lot of things that im still in the process of learning. i guess i can't deny the fact that im just all that i am. that there's a big gap between what i am now and the me that i want myself to be. And everyday i toil endlessly, but the gap just doesn't seem to close.

and it's so fucking depressing.

will try to cheer myself a little later.

Movie

Mood: wow'd.
Currently listening to: nothing.

wee. i just watched casper (1995 version) and it's so effing coool. haha xP call me whatever, but i just find the whole movie interesting. oh, torrent links
here, by the way.

editing this later, i guess. :| i have a lot of things to rant about.