Circle, Circle

Mood: afraid and sleepy.
Currently listening to: matchbook romance, promise.

i know, i know. hiatus has been officially declared. it's just that i've finally found a great word to summarize what i've been feeling. it's shell. i know. it sounds so stupid. but i dunno. i just don't want to interact with a lot of people right now. i don't want to talk much. i just want to think - of what i've been doing, of what i plan on doing, of what i've done. it's a quite funny, actually. i just want to wrap myself in a shell and close off to the world to do some long put off thinking.

my problem is, whenever i try and think... it always circles, you know? all of my thoughts circle, in a beautiful and sad way, back to you.

i think i've said in my last post that we're all broken inside. i guess that's probably the most meaningful thing i've said in a while. people may not look like it, but it's pretty evident actually. in the train, fx or jeep, notice an ordinary person's eyes, and you'll see how much all of us are battered in the inside. how much pain we have withstood to get where we are now, how scratches and dried-up wounds decorate our knees and hands, how we cried during the most painful of days, and how we tried forgetting, all in vain.

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fear. i have had enough of it. i just want to curl up and lay down forever. i want to believe in life. i really want to. i want to see how all of this ends up. i want assurance. i want to get back on my feet and run. i want to.. step foot again in this fairytale and plant my feet deep in the grass and breathe. just.. breathe.

i've had enough of it. i just want to breathe as easily as i once did.