One of Those Posts

Mood: so-so
Now Playing: nothing, by duh, nothing.

I think i speak for a lot of us when i say i hate the feeling of forced pleasantries in the church. You get? It's like you meet someone in front of a church as you go in. Instantly, sparks fly in everywhere - you feel a familiar feeling. It is steamy, red, passionate anger, and it is directed to that god-forsaken being you are currently locking your eyes on. From the expression painted on his/her face, you are utterly convinced that he/she feels the same steamy, red, passionate way about you too.

Then you guys realize that your are, in fact, in front of the church,so that when your paths do cross as you enter and he/she leaves, you guys smile and ask how the other is doing, when it really translates into "i wanna fart upon your nose and kill you with the stench."

That's what i hate. I dunno.It just sort of feels... ridiculous. You must know that there are times when i absolutely hate being with people. When im in that particular mood, poke me with a ten meter stick and i'll just brush it off as nothing. But touch me or even - god forbid - strike a meaningless conversation (let's say, the weather)....asjdakldjaskld. ARGG. qsdadjasldjasldjasl.

I mean, come off it. Who in their right mind would talk about the goddamn weather?

I dunno how i developed this antisocial side to my damn persona. Heck, i don't even know what my god damned persona really is. But rest assured that it is not pretty, and it is not like the commercials that those damn toothpaste commercials play. It is gritty. It is dirty. It is sinf

Damn it.

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You don't know how scary it is to switch attitudes. It's like one minute, i was ranting non-stop about how i hate forced pleasantries, and the next, i was typing in about my persona when suddenly i effing STOPPED in mid-type. I read through my post again and experienced a fear so primordial, it's not even funny. Damn it, i fear myself.

Forgive me for noticing, but i have this annoying and neurotic habit of fluently remembering and - heaven forbid - analyzing the most insignificant of things.

Y'see, it's like last month, i was this guy who believed in the universe and it's intricacies and welcomed every god damn thought it threw my way. Now, i have developed a budding anti-social side that is just eating away at my insides and tearing up my mind. Science tells me that is all hormonal; it's completely safe, it's a part of adolescence, blahblahblah, so don't worry a thing about it.

But.. damn it. This is real, you know. It's not just some textbook question one could answer with two or three well-phrased sentences from the book. This is happening right fucking now. I want answers, and i want them chopped, arranged and served beautifully on a damn silver plate with coffee and fruits on the side.

But life isn't like that,isn't it? It spits and spats and laughs at your amazement.

Is this what they call adolescence? Is this what they call growing up? And upon realizing the answers to all of that, what could i sa - hell. What could WE say? Accept the changes happily ever after? Start a revolt? A movement? A century?

Is this the goddamn price to pay for maturity, our sanity? Cause if it is, then maybe a lot of us should take a step back and gather up the pieces we have lost along the way.

Fuck. I have a lot of things to pick up, it seems.

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