The Unsaid Things and The Things That Should be Un-said

I think i'm in trouble today for playing too much. No, i still don't own a new game console, and the decrepit ps2 is now in ps2 heaven. What i'm saying is, i think i have lazed around enough already.

I know it's a bit early, but i find myself thinking about the future. "Maybe this is just a phase" - yes, i know, i know. But what a freaky little phase this is.

I look back a lot too. There are times when i wish i could go back and whisper to the old me "Hey, dumbass. Get some sleep!" or "Quit whining and talk to her - she's also human, dude!" or "the answer's x=32, and question no 33 is wrongfully stated!"

But i guess i can't do that now, can I?

Regret. It reeks of regret here, and i don't like it one bit.

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Here's the rough translation, taken from a comment on the same vid.

"I'm Konna Makoto-17 years old. My best friends are two guys Kosuke and Chiaki.
I'd always thought that the three of us would be together forever. That is, until the day I got my strange powers.
Time...leap?
'Yes, time leap. You can't go back in time right? But you, Makoto, can'
Go...back in time??
'You don't have to be so surprised, time leaping isn't something so rare'
Eh?! nonono that's definetly not normal!
*song starts* Go!
*The Girl who Leapt through Time*

Time Waits For No One.

Just an anime i found about two or three months ago. Urge you guys to watch it, or urge me to lend you a copy. Erm sorry, selfish remark.

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I'm so tired. I don't know what caused it, and that's what makes it tiring even more. Maybe this is what they call existential dilemma - the kind where you can question your existent and you realize how small and insignificant you are tonight, and all of the nights to come.

It always happens at night. In between 7pm and 11pm is... a void. A void that ultimately sucks you in and whisper thoughts that aren't right for a catholic.

I hate being like this. I could be a more productive person in society, but when that void mentioned above hits me, my legs crumble, my vector shields melt, my krypton armor explodes, blasting me off to a shell i can't break out of. This is the pits.

And yet i go on and gripe about it. I can't do anything about it, and yet i still gripe about it. wth is wrong with me?

Let's conduct an experiment. The last time i felt this way, i recall having a tired body, an aching head and the urge to do absolutely nothing. Back then i consumed a lot of food, and i remember being happy about it.

Which is exactly what i did today. Gasp.

Oh. Thinking back, there was also this one factor, which I'd better not post here. Sorry, it's too personal and posting it in something so public as a blog would be akin to personal and social suicide.

Sigh. I feel so useless. Everything is changing, and i can't do anything to cling on to some comfort. Help me.