Harrrumphing.

Mood: blank
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Do you know the feeling that you get whenever you stand up and look in a mirror the first thing in the morning? Y'know how it goes; you see the sun, you see your white teeth that still haven't met the toothbrush, you see how perfect and just right your bed hair looks without bringing it down, and you just know deep down inside that this day is The Day - that kind of shit.

But then the sun shifts over, and you see how deeply scarred and ugly your soul is beneath all the gaiety. Just a little shift of the sun to see how bad your pimple really looks, how uncool your smile looks like, how that little bit of skin tag under your chin doesn't look like a little bit anymore. And sometimes, it takes all you have just to keep yourself from recoiling in disgust.

But still, sin we are, and sin we do.

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Lately, there are a lot of people going to me for help. I don't know why they do; my latest theory and probably most plausible one says that they are innately masochistic - they like pain and their favorite form of self-flagellation is by seeking my help. Which is perfectly okay by me - it's your grave you're digging, by asking my help. Also, i am innately meddlesome. Forgive me, i must have been a pop star in my other life.

The sad part is, when it comes to my own problems, i am stumped. I can't follow anything i've ever told anyone to do. It's depressing; its like you already know the answer to a hell of a difficult math problem, but you just can't apply the solution. It's like having to factor an easy equation. You know the answer; it's just a simple x=1, but you just can't get the damn equation right.

And it's infuriating. I wish i could post a video just so you can hear my voice and see my face, which will probably disturb you the rest of your damnawful jolly life as the most infuriated face you will ever see.

goddamn it people. Im not bullet-proof. Im not a saint. Im probably the most evil, lying, cheating, poor excuse of a person you'll ever see. And if you think about it, maybe you are too. And that's perfectly alright. That's why we help each other out. Organisms of the same species must help each other or they die out. I get that.

But damn it. Why can't i help this damn mesh of flesh and nerves and blood and guts i call my own?

Get me out of this life.