Mood: nothing
Now Playing: use somebody, as covered by AC.
So this Saturday i went to this comic convention with Camille, Bren and Nichola. T'was alright, i guess. But i think the venue should have been bigger, with more stalls. CSC Central wasn't even there, as was the same case with Cast. And i guess it totally needed more stalls. lkasjdlaskdja. Anyway, i was sorely tempted to cash out the little mound of money i've saved for about a week, but i managed to control myself and just bought the comic about Orpheus, Morpheus' son.
Anyway, im typing here to save in this conversation i overheard in the fx ride i took to get there. There were two middle-aged women at the back, and apparently they were talking about a girl named Bebe. They were talking about how awfully wasted Bebe's life was for marrying the wrong guy. From what i gather (and i either gather much or not at all), Bebe was being courted by this guy from Mercury Drug. Mercury Drug Guy was good. He was well-off enough, polite and good with elders. And he's well-off enough (emphasis on enough). Well-off enough to treat and woo not the girl herself, but the girl's brother and sister to malls every weekend. The two women were all for Mercury Drug guy. "Who wouldn't?" they would say. "He's talented, well-off enough and polite. Choose him, Bebe! Choose him!"
But apparently, Bebe did not choose Mercury Drug Guy. Instead, Bebe chose someone poorer than she is, and the poor shmuck of a guy is now even bed-ridden with heart disease. And the two women were like this "sayang naman si Mercury Drug Guy. Ang Bobo talaga ni Bebe at pinakawalan pa niya. Bobo, tanga at matigas ulo" the WHOLE FREAKING TIME.
We were nearing Baclaran then, and they were going to mass. I wasn't much bothered by their conversations the few minutes before. But when i heard this line from the woman across me:
"Dapat kasi sa ganyan, hindi pinapairal ang pag-ibig. Dapat eto o. Eto (points to head). Hindi ka papakainin ng puso mo. Hindi niya mapapagaral anak mo. Tingnan mo yang si Bebe. Mahirap na nga, mahirap pa ang pinangasawa"
What the fuck. I didn't know what to say, so i just shut up and gazed out the window, my mind a blur of thoughts. They alighted a little ways off the Baclaran church, and i stared at them as my FX speeded away.
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I know im not the most romantic dipshit out there, and i know i have a lot of things to learn and understand about love and all it's shit. But i think that what those two women said were definitely crap, and don't get me started on how stupid it is to discuss something so private in another person's life inside a public vehicle.
I think i speak for a lot of us when i say that love is a shitty feeling, but it shouldn't be governed by something as material as money. Even if you say that love is overrated, love is bitter, love is shit, the thing is, it IS all that, MORE of that even. It is never easy, it is never easy-going. It is a constant struggle of shitty days versus even shittier days, with the possible exception of happy sunshiny days, and they come in fewer and fewer doses as the years pile up.
But that's not to say that love should be ruled by material want, no. Whatever happened to the feeling that you had when you were a teenager? When you believed that everything is possible, that everything is within your reach? Does it expire as easily as the days that go by? Does it expire when the world eats you and your daily life? Or does it expire the day that you lose your faith in it?
... yeah, i think so too, you middle aged assholes.
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I think i swore to myself, once. To never ever let the kid inside die. To never ever stop believing in life and all it's intricacies. But then i realize how much time i have spent hunting for good music nowadays. Mostly kasi, it's just the same old routine: go to school. have fun. study. wake up, rinse and repeat. At times, it's peppered with other people's problems, bumming around and just having fun. Don't get me wrong... i love my friends to bits. And that's saying something already, as i don't love that many a thing.
But i just want to do something with my life. It feels like i've been watching my life play on and on while i'm just at the backseat, y'know? I feel like i'm a fucking doormat. I want to take charge, for once and decide how to do things, how to fuck around without worrying what would happen tomorrow. It feels like im in a fucking perpetual "safety mode". Gdmnit.
I feel like im on the wrong side of things. Or maybe the wrong course? Carol C. says i should be somewhere in ads. But i think she's lying, because Carol C. is a huge bitch. lol joke and peace. I dunno shit.
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Why are people so hard to understand, i wonder?
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