Mood: Peaceful
Currently listening to: Everything's Magic, Angels and Airwaves
i went to bed late last night. actually, it was more of like "i went to bed early in the morning" than "i went to bed late last night". Anyway..
i was watching one tree hill, when a close friend of mine texted me. so aun. i paused the dvd for a bit and checked my balance - 4 php's worth.
her last message was "i missed everything oth has brought me". it was at that time that i was jolted out of consciousness. it hit me that i was probably missing something too, and i haven't even noticed it yet. But i shrugged it off and resumed marathoning an 18-episode season.
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it was around 2 am when i trudged off to sleep. i plopped instantly on my pillow and closed my eyes.
when the body is resting, the mind wanders. i thought of high school.
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i remember an english project back in 1st year. we were given the task of making a faux newspaper, and since i was the only member of the school paper at my class, my teammates picked me to be the editor-in-chief. i readied the outline and the material. i selected and gave news assignments. it was hard and tiring, but also a bit weird.
on the eve of the submission, i went to bed for a five-minute powernap.
i slept the freaking night away. morning came, and my aunt had to help me paste all the articles together on a broad sheet of paper. needless to say, it wasn't finished.
so i missed 1st period, science. i told my teachers i had a nosebleed while i was en route to school and had to run back to my house for a change of clothes.
it was lunchtime, and my teammates all gathered around at the grotto to make the project. it was funny; almost all of the other teams were there, making projects. it was really touching, i guess. people were all under the same stress.
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i remembered second year. it was at that time that DoTA was introduced. people could be seen converging at computer shops and such. at the end of the day, people would yell "o dota na!"
after every periodical test, there was only one thing that came to people's minds. PLAY DOTA OR DIE. i guess it could be seen as unhealthy. but the fact is, there was no satisfying way to end an exam than a few hours at a computer shop, with a lot of people and friends you know.
i have this picture in my wallet. it's a group pic of us standing outside M Station, a computer shop that was the haven for us back then. it featured at least 20(i think) computer stations, and easy access; it was only a jeep's ride from school. plus, it sold a few refreshments, and 7-11 was just a walk away.
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i guess what i'm trying to say is that i miss high school, and i miss being a kid.
that's what i would have said.
but that's not what i'm going to say.
i'm not going to say i miss being a kid, or miss being young. I'm not gonna say that i miss the whole "I'm going to save and change the world" feeling - the feeling that i know YOU also had when you graduated from high school.
I'm not gonna say i miss high school and i want to go back. I'm not gonna say that i miss all of my friends, and somehow, i just want to let them know that i'm okay, and i want to know that they are too. No. i'm not gonna say that.
it's because there's no need for me to say it. Any of it.
Because deep down, underneath all of the the new insecurities, the pressure, the demands, the pain and the love, we are all still kids, at the top of the world.
and because we're all still kids, i can't say i miss being one, can i? that would be grammatically and literally incorrect.
i can't say that i miss the feeling that i know you also had the day you graduated from high school - the feeling that no one in the entire world has ever loved this hard, has ever cared this fiercely or cried as much.
Because if i do, it will be the day that i stop believing that we will all meet together, alive and well, in some twist of fate. it will be the day that something inside me will break forever. It will be the day that i strangle the kid inside me, destroying the memories of an innocent yesterday.
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i guess that was what jolted me out of consciousness a few hours ago, when i received a message. so i guess i owe that person a big thanks. haha, come to think of it you've always been saving me.
check your friendster mail. you know who you are.
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damn. can't wait for the next season.
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