Losing My Mojo

Mood: nooooo
Now Playing: boats and birds, gregory and the hawk also 1234, feist.

Went to school yesterday for this CSJ thing and got to meet a couple of the new people from the literary section and omfgaah i swear they're giving me an inferiority complex. It's been months since i wrote any short stories and asldkjaskldj, they're just writing badabing badaboom incredible pieces of fiction just like that.

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I think im losing my mojo. Y'know, that one big "______________" that everybody seems to have when they're doing the things they love doing. I dunno. I opened a notepad a few minutes ago and keyed in the 1st words that came to mind

lolwtfbbqpron what the heck am i doing

and then another go

i should just eat noodles

and then another another go

you wrote black rings under my eyes

and then another another another go

asldjasldjalsdjlasjd.

...

see? completely senseless and completely... completely.. mojo-less. ARGH. What the hell did i do? I'm probably my worst critic - i don't believe in whatever i do (not that i believe in anything much anyway, but that's another story) I have faulted the above 4 lines 4 times already, and it's still piling up.

In any case, i want to bring the old me back; the one that gave so much shit about life and music and art and the great things that reside within - peace and love. As i am now, i don't think i'll last for a few more months. Good thing sembreak is right down at the bend, then maybe i could kiss half of the drama goodbye for a few months. (I plan to escape and go to alaska this sembreak, y'see lol) But i guess i'd still be carrying around the other half of the drama - myself.

Garfield once said that you have to suffer in order to write.

Fucked, i am. :))

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People have been pulling me aside and going, "o, csj/infopsych ka pala. ang galing mo naman magsulat!" and it makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with their minds - i haven't done anything to be proud of. Im betting 12903812938 of all the writers in the college didn't apply because a) they haven't heard of csj/infopsych yet b) they got lost and lazy along the way 3) they're lazy as shit 4) have no motivation or something. I dunno. I dunno. I dunno. I dunno shit.

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Oh, prelim grades are back, fug no. So far, so good. I wouldn't have believed my educ psych grade if it hadn't been written by the devi professor herself. Hrrrm. So this finals, i have to exert 139812390128908129038% more effort if i want an all-line-of-1s.

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YUSS. Resolutions are in order.
I resolve to

1. Be more open-minded
2. Be more peace-loving
3. Be more loving and love people to death.
4. Be more studious
5. Be more introspective
6. Shut up and die.

Who am i kidding.