Yep

Mood: none Now Playing: none

It feels like forever since i've written down anything here. I don't know what happened.

Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly what happened; i started writing. Then I stopped. There are so many reasons to write, i know, I used to say that. I believed in things. I believed that In The Writing we put down to paper the lines in our head. I did. But right now, there are just about a thousand reasons not to.

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Today is May 5th, and right now i have a lot of pending drafts here. It's incredibly cluttered. It's... just so messy here.

I'm still at my job. I type a lot faster right now than my old college self, and i don't trip as much as i do say, last year. It feels like so much has changed, but at the same time, so little. I don't know what i want to feel. To feel is to lie yourself on the ground, susceptible and unsuspecting.

Just yesterday, i kind of talked it out with two people from work and i found myself saying things that i've always known were in the back of my head that I was just scared to admit.  Maybe it was a bad idea to think too much, when i was just starting to get out of a hole i dug for myself. But it happened. And now i'm writing again. I don't know how long i can delude myself into thinking that things will get better soon. I know things will get better, yeah. I just don't know how soon it'll have to be.

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I think of everything that happened
in the shape of bus tickets
that i purposely misplace
in the crevices of my bag,
in between a book i read and
in pockets, cups, and cases
so i could look everywhere

and be reminded of
the placesi have seen
and how much more

i have to go